Torn In Half
by breathbookslove
Summary: Serena is out of control. Her mother tired of having to clean up and cover for her. Sends her to this facility for treatment. Nate is also there for his own reasons. The two have not met. And have lead separate lives up until this encounter in group therapy. The journey begins. Twists and turns and backstory is huge part of things. Let me know your thoughts in the reviews.
1. Chapter 1

**Tore in Half**

 **Chapter 1**

 _This was my mother's attempt at good parenting. She sends me here under an assumed name as if that is going to just erase my reputation and face and hair and everything else that made me who I was. She insisted that I give this place a chance. But what the hell does she know? All I can really say is for her sake since I have no other choice and had an annoyingly efficient driver I'll stay but that doesn't mean I won't try and find some loopholes in order to get out early. I just wish for ounce I could've just been that random girl that wouldn't have been able to be picked out of a crowd and have her pictures plastered everywhere. As if no one else has ever been in this kind of situation before. Of course, once you're a public figure your life is never your own again._

 _Signed_

 _I'm wasting my time with any more entries._

"Bailey it's time for group." The counselor said.

As I took my time getting out of bed and put my journal under my pillow.

Walking slowly behind her. Taking in the different parts of my new reality.

"Welcome again everyone to Group therapy."

"This is a safe place to listen and contribute most of all we hope your able to grow and find a sense of understanding and stability when it comes to your sobriety and how it fits into your life." The counselor said smiling warmly.

Looking around the room at us. While the rest of the patients either talked amongst themselves or stared blankly at the wall.

In moments like these I look around and wondered why out of anywhere else she could have placed me she decided I would fit in here.

These people were way off the map.

Yea I liked to party, and go from this to that go home with a random person or two. But I was young, famous, and attractive. How else was I supposed to spend my weekends?

The counselor turned in my direction and started to speak.

"I knew I noticed a new face around here."

"Would you mind introducing yourself? The counselor asked me.

"Sure why not." I thought as I got up.

Staring straight forward as I began to speak.

"My name is Bailey." "And I don't belong here."

I said sitting back down as I crossed my arms.

"Thank you for contributing."

The counselor said.

Rubbing my hands together. Feeling a chill hit my pale skin.

As I followed the counselor's voice.

"Fell asleep again I see."

"If that has anything to do with your late-night phone calls."

"You will be stripped off your privileges again." The counselor said in a stern voice.

"Maybe if got your nose out of the air and acted like a normal person."

"You would realize we are not all that different."

The person said.

"Just stick to the program then you are no longer my responsibility."

"If wouldn't like to share Mr. Archibald I would suggest you be quiet so other people can get the full experience. The counselor said.

Shaking his head as he began talking to the other patients.

"You are a real piece of work." I said getting annoyed at his lack luster attitude.

"What I am and how I behave is none of your business." He said rolling his eyes. Turning his gaze away from mine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Tore In Half**

 **Chapter 2**

 _there's a fragile history that runs in you..."_

Hours later

Now that the group therapy was over.

I decided to take advantage of my hour of free time.

And check out this place on my own terms.

As I walked out of the doors. Being one of the last people out.

Slowly peeking into this room and that. Surprisingly going unnoticed.

Then again people were probably occupied doing whatever activity that was in their view.

Putting my hand above my eyes as a way for the sun to not completely take over my vision.

The heat making my current outfit irrelevant. Peering around curious to see whether or not I would notice anyone I recognize.

Realizing that is not possible. Because I don't have real friends.

Just the people I party with that push you over into the backseat when your drunk or call 911 when you lose consciousness.

I have yet to have a visit from any of them.

Then again I have only been here a few days.

Plus, I'm not under my own name so I'm sure once they figure it out.

They will burst me out of here.

At least I hoped so.

Sighing as I sat down. On one of the chairs. Noticing that I did see someone.

That guy from group earlier who was being completely uncooperative.

Which means we at least had that in common.

I looked over at him and he quickly turned away.

Obviously, he didn't know me.

Because if he did he would know I wasn't that easy to ignore.

As I started to walk over to him.

And sat down in the closest proximity to him I could get.

While I started to talk to him.

"Do you get off on it.?" I ask him.

"I get off on plenty you're going to have to be more specific." He says looking up at me.

"Being an ass." "It seems like you really enjoy it and see no sense in being here."

"So why don't you just leave.?" I ask him curious.

"I'm not being anything." "This is who I am." "And honestly you act like you're a celebrity because of who your parents are."

"But the reality is you're a train wreck who needs to get over themselves." He said.

Shaking his head at me as I dumped the drink he had beside him on his shirt.

And walked away.

Back inside the building.

Feeling a hand on my shoulder as I turned around feeling satisfied with myself.

"Eric." I said wrapping my arms around him.

"Hey S." "I've missed you." He said.

While he slipped a small bag into my pocket.

And we began to walk and talk heading back to my room.

…

 **Author's Note: Your thoughts on this chapter and the story so far?**

 **See you next chapter :}**


	3. Chapter 3

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 3**

 _Look for the girl with the broken smile._

 _Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

 _She will be loved._

 _Flashback_

 _It was once we tried it and that's it. I should have been more against it but she was practically begging me._

 _I guess I could of left. But then she said she needed me to stay the night._

 _We had become so close during these years. And I didn't know how to say no to her._

 _Especially when she looked at me like that. So, we drank a bottle or two and did a few lines of some white powder she wouldn't give the name of and went to sleep._

 _I wrapped my arms around her. she said it was only way she could sleep. And thanked me._

 _I Smiled at her. And told her she mattered to me and that I loved her. Nothing would change that._

 _In the morning, I woke up to her putting on makeup I didn't notice it before probably because it had been late and dark and I was so tired._

 _When she realized, I was awake and I called out to her. She jumped. Causing the powder, she was using on her face to go everywhere._

" _I'm sorry Nate shit! I got it everywhere."_

" _I'll clean it up and we'll go get breakfast on me."_

 _She said quickly turning back around to the mirror._

" _Jenny relax." I said getting out bed as I put my hand on her shoulder._

" _It was an accident no big deal." I said._

 _Starting to help her clean things as she accidently touched the same object I was going for._

 _And in that moment it was revealed to me._

 _Her arm was covered with bruises._

 _Looking at her. Shocked as I tried to figure out how to bring it up._

 _She quickly shut me out._

" _Nate don't!" She said walking out of the room._

 _Leaving me worried and lost as to who this person I thought I knew was hiding from me._

 _Going after her as I closed my bedroom door._

Nate looked at himself in the mirror after deciding on a new outfit to where.

Putting back the picture of him and Jenny he took with him everywhere.

Tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

As he shook his head. Taking a breath.

Leaving the room. And walking into the hallway.

Entering in the office for his appointment.

"Mr. Archibald."

"Only 30 minutes late into your hour session."

"What was keeping you.? "If you don't mind me asking." The therapist said looking to him.

"I do mind can we just get this over with.?" Nate asked annoyed.

"Of course how do you think you've progressed during your time here.?" The man asked.

"Alright I guess it's better than prison." Nate said looking passed the man and at the wall.

"Look I know you don't want to be here."

"But I think if you at least make some kind of real attempt."

"It this place could be an amazing experience for you." The therapist said hopeful his patient was listening at all.

"This is a job to you and as soon as I'm able to."

"I'll be out of here living by my own rules."

"Just how it's supposed to be."

Nate said in response.

"So in your case that means going straight back into using."

"I can never get that call out of my mind."

"The sense of fear and desperation in your friend Chuck's voice when he found you."

"Is haunting." "If you care nothing of the few people you have left."

"Then go right ahead." The therapist said.

As Nate walked out the office door. Slamming it behind him.

...

 **Author's Note: We got some insight on Nate's past. Let me know your thoughts on it and where you think it's leading? And your thoughts on the chapter.**

 **Leave it in the reviews.**

 **See you next chapter:}**


	4. Chapter 4

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 4**

 _I fell to pieces that night in December_

 _Pictures in boxes remind me of something_

 _The memories of losing you_

 _You're like a ghost._

Taking a breath. As I got to the front desk.

The receptionist taking note of me.

While I paused attempting to collect my thoughts.

"How can I help you Mr. Archibald.?" She asked politely.

"I'm checking myself out." I said to her.

Looking in my eyes. She checked her computer.

Then looked back up to me. My heart racing at the thought of being back.

In my old life. Unable to clarify if it was nervousness or fear.

"Since you voluntarily checked yourself in."

"So you have the right to leave."

"Even though it's against the orders of your therapist and doctor here."

"A letter has been written to you from Mr. Bass."

"Only to be given to you."

"if you ended up making the decision to leave before your time."

The woman said simply handing the letter to me and waving goodbye and wishing me luck.

Putting the letter in a safe place among my other belongings.

As I headed out the front door.

The door closing behind me.

A sense of relief hit my system.

Breathing in the fresh air of the outdoors and hearing the rush of cars.

Along with people talking and laughing.

The sound of boats leaving their docks.

And birds flying high in the blue open cloudless sky.

Deciding to read Chuck's letter.

Before I officially leave this place in my forgotten memories.

Finding a seat next to trees providing just the amount of shade I needed.

I sat down and began to open the envelope taking the letter out.

Unfolding it as I began to read.

 _Dear Nate. We've been a part of each other's lives. Since the very beginning in elementary school when we let loose the class pet and got sent home for the day._

 _Where we ended up sneaking out and meeting up at the candy shop._

 _The place that became a refuge for us and the perfect area to hatch any plans we made. Our house any talks we needed to have._

 _You are my best friend._

 _I would do anything for you. Just ask me. And it would be done_

 _. I can't describe what I felt finding you like I did that morning._

 _I thought you were died._

 _And I could have sworn I felt my own heart stop._

 _I know you take full responsibility for everything that happened with Jenny._

 _And I wish more than anything you would take the time and get the help you need to understand that it wasn't your fault._

 _You were a friend to her. And she loved you._

 _You made her feel safe. She would hate to see the aftermath of what you became._

 _If you leave here before it's recommended._

 _Don't contact me I can't stand to watch you self-destruct anymore._

 _It is too painful and I just save you without drowning in all of this myself._

 _Please stay Nate. If not once you read this letter it will be the last time you ever hear from me._

 _Love Chuck._

Wiping my eyes quickly.

The tears falling before I could catch them.

Taking a breath. As I got off the bench and headed for the street.

"I'm sorry Chuck." I say in my mind.

Beginning to get into my car. As I saw a hand take the door.

"Now Clyde how could you leave without your Bonnie.?" Serena jokes looking to him. Smiling.

"What are you doing out here.?" I ask not bothering to hide my frustration.

"Aside from your lack of concern I was just heading back inside."

"I had taken a walk and saw you and wanted to know what was up."

"We haven't really talked since."

"Our run in at the water." "Where are you going.?" She asks curious.

"Back to my real- life and far away from here." Nate said to her.

"Wow when I said you should leave I wasn't being serious."

"You obviously need this place."

"I mean you don't break the rules here for fun."

"It's because you actually are really struggling just like the rest of us."

"I think leaving would be a mistake." She said looking into his eyes.

"Thankfully you're a stranger to me so your option is unimportant."

"And also I didn't ask you to care about me or my life in any way." Nate said.

"I know that trust getting close to you in any normal way is almost impossible."

"You make it so hard for anyone to get to really know you."

"And I thought we had something in common." She started to say.

Before he cut her off.

"We have nothing in common we have lead completely different lives."

"I'm not naïve and know exactly where am I and where my life is going."

"I don't need my parents approve or affections."

"Unlike you who is clinging to this as a last-ditch effort for your mom."

"To even acknowledge the fact that she has a daughter."

"Your pathetic I feel sorry for you."

"Your entire reputation is the booze, drugs, or the men."

"You have no drive or desire to do anything."

"But be some guy's trophy wife."

"By the way that makeover to try to look humble and normal."

"Is useless to anyone who actually keeps up with current events."

"Your Name is Serena." "Mine is Nate."

"And that is all this will ever amount to."

"Goodbye Serena." Nate said as he took off in his car.

…

 **Author's Note: Intense moments with Nate and Serena? Where do you see, things going from here? Where is, Nate going? What do you think Serena will do after this encounter? What do you think happened to Jenny? Leave your thoughts in the reviews.**

 **See you next chapter. :}**


	5. Chapter 5

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 5**

 _"Is this what love's supposed to feel like?_

This pull in her heart and ache in chest broke open.

At the sight of him beginning to leave.

She didn't understand it but she wasn't ready to lose what they were to each other.

Which was nothing really.

But she didn't care she just couldn't wrap her mind around not seeing him again.

"Wait!" She said running up to his driver's side window.

Banging on the glass. As he rolled the window down.

Looking at her as if she had just deflated his tires.

"What the hell do you think you're doing.?" He asked. Stopping the car.

"I know you don't care about what I think or feel."

"Especially when it concerns you."

"But I don't want you to end up regretting this later."

"leaving I mean."

"Honestly at first I thought being sent here was some kind of cosmic joke."

"Or my bad Karma finally having its way with me."

"But the more I see and experience here." "I realize getting the chance to completely change our lives is an opportunity not many get."

"So for you to just throw yours away like this is really selfish." She said looking at him.

"That was a nice attempt at pulling at my heartstrings."

"But luckily for me I don't have a heart to pull."

"I don't get let people in to my life or my heart."

"By choice."

"I'm happy alone." He said looking back at her.

"That must be hard for you to comprehend."

"I doubt back in your old life you never had to even think of being alone."

"Surrounded by people and you ate it up."

"Until you lost it all."

He said looking to her.

Noticing the change in her expression.

The tears that now were welling in her eyes.

"I don't know why I tried to connect to some decent part of you."

"It's obvious you have no idea what it means."

"To put yourself out there and be vulnerable."

"You better get going it's going to get dark soon."

She said taking a breath. As she began to walk back inside.

The combination of the words from Chuck's letter and what Serena was saying now.

Made him begin to rethink. And park the car. And slowly get out.

Going after her. Touching her shoulder slightly.

In response, she turns around looking into his eyes.

Watching as he spoke.

"I wasn't always this detached and unfeeling."

"I became that way I figured it was safer."

"My heart would never have to be broken or given."

"Just to be thrown back in my face."

"The idea of someone being so important."

"And the thought of possibly losing them or them going away."

"Is just too much I care I love in the end I always end up alone."

"So why bother anymore.?" He said to her.

"Because a life without loving and experiencing is meaningless."

"There is guarantee in any of it."

"Love, marriage, life, you just have to hold on to the moments."

"That happen to you and hope you learn something from it."

Serena said looking into his eyes.

He couldn't break his gaze from hers.

They're eyes locked

No words needing to be spoken between them.

She takes his hand and leans over.

They're faces touch slightly.

They're lips together.

They're hands pulling the other person closer.

Until they pull apart. Gasping for air.

She looks at him. Wanting to say something.

But unable to think.

Aside from the undeniable want to have his lips on hers again.

Filling her body with a high she had never experienced.

Catching her breath as she looked away.

Then felt her hand. Get let go of.

As she looked up at him.

And started to speak.

"That was not what I was expecting to find during my walk." She said smiling.

"Look that was a mistake."

"We got all into our emotions and the end result was that kiss."

"Why are you pushing me away right now.?" She asked.

More emotional than she intended.

"I don't date." "I don't do relationships."

"If you're looking for warning signs."

"Look in the mirror."

"This is a disaster waiting to happen."

"The smartest thing we could do."

"Is act like nothing happened."

"And then do our time and never see each other again."

He said. As he looked at her.

"How can you look in my eyes and seriously tell me you felt nothing.?"

She said in response.

"Because It's how it has to be don't you get it."

"I'm fucked up and so are you."

"Together we would destroy each other."

"I'm going to go." He said as he walked back inside.

Serena waited until she could think of him and not feel that ache in her chest.

But that never happened so after a while she just went inside and closed her door.

Looking at the coat that held the bag of drugs her brother had snuck in for her.

Unable to feel the energy to get up and get it.

She instead let herself feel her hurt.

As the tears slowly went down her face.

Hitting her pillow as she laid her head down.

From outside her door.

Nate took back his hand from attempting to open it

And decided to make a late phone call.

Then went back to his room.

…


	6. Chapter 6

**Torn In Half**

 _This feel like letting go_

 _It's hard to trust_

 _When your heart's been broken times before._

 _You pull the curtains and you lock the doors._

 _Months later_

Family Day

Hung on a sign in the inside of the facility.

Where patients had the chance to reconnect with their families.

And the families.

Had the chance to see for themselves how much progress and growth.

They're family members had made. During their time, here.

Sitting around out of the way.

Watching as patients and their families hugged and talked. Laughing as they caught up on the current events of their lives.

Wondering why he bothered to come out here and not try and find a way to distract himself. With some activity or change of location.

His parents wouldn't come out here to see him.

They barely took the time out of their continuousness travel schedule.

To make time to visit or call or check in.

It was probably for the best anyway.

When Chuck had called them after I regained consciousness years ago.

They're first response was Did he know what time it was and that they would talk to me later.

Flashback

 _And we did talk or should I say I listened. Do you have any idea how important we are? My dad said to me. Pacing back and forth._

" _These antics of yours are getting really tiresome Nate."_

" _Having to hear about all of this."_

" _And know people are talking about us is more embarrassing than you could imagine." My mother said shaking her head at me._

" _The next time we get a call like that about you."_

" _They better be telling us that you're dead."_

" _Because we can't take any more of this."_

" _Now we have to get going." "We have a flight to catch." My dad said._

 _As they left the house closing the door behind them._

 _This house big in size and full of things. Never feeling much like a home._

 _More like a zoo me and my mistakes and mere existence up criticism and lack of true understanding. They were parents in name only._

 _Never caring to activity be a part of my life._

 _But first in line when it came to their vacations and trips and business lunches and functions._

 _Being the only child you would think we would be close._

 _Instead I feel their intense disappoint with every glance or conversation._

 _Taking a breath. Closing my eyes. As the tears, wouldn't stop._

 _No matter how much I tried._

 _It was as if I was broken beyond fixing._

 _That hurt him saying that to me even though I couldn't care what he thought._

 _Or at least I tried not to._

 _Why bother trying to be better when my mistakes and dark times are thrown in my face at every turn._

 _And if that was the case._

 _Why should I care anymore.? I thought as I opened a new bottle and crushed the remainder of my pills._

Having had enough of this.

I went out the back door and began walking on the trail.

"Just thought I would let you know.

I flushed the bag you gave me down the toilet."

I told him as I whispered in his ear.

"Wow way to be wasteful."

"I could have sold that or used it myself." He said looking at her.

"You know maybe you could use this place too and some new people to be around."

"And to stop selling figure out who you are."

"Outside of all this toxicity." Serena said looking to him.

"It's great you're in a better head space and everything."

"But I'm good."

I don't need you running my life and making my choices."

"Mom and dad do that enough don't you think.?" He said to her.

"Your right it has to be your choice."

"To start over and to be honest with yourself." She said.

Taking a glance at him.

"What do you mean by that.?" He asked her.

"Eric I'm your older sister.

I've always looked out for you and protected you the best way I could."

"I know that you feel like you can't be yourself."

"But that isn't true."

"You take your time telling mom and dad if you tell them at all."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"It won't change how much I love you."

"How hard I fight for you."

"Or close we are."

"If anything it would make us closer."

She said taking his hand in hers.

As she looked into his eyes.

"Your gay." "I've honestly known for years."

"But you and you're want and need to be the son."

"That they can be proud of."

"Has stopped you from truly being able to life the way you want."

"I hope one day when you're ready."

"You take your chance and start over." She said.

leaning over hugging him to herself tightly.

Tears welling up in his eyes.

As he tried to speak. Hugging her back.

"I hope so to." He said. Quietly as they pulled apart.

While she offered him half her cookies as they're parents walked back over.

Announcing they were going to leave.

Saying their goodbyes and Serena thanked them for coming.

And told Eric to call or text her or come visit whenever he needed.

She watched as the three of them left the building. Waving goodbye.

As she decided to check her phone.

No calls or texts or voicemails.

I guess when partying stopped.

They didn't need me anymore. Serena thought to herself.

As she turned off her phone.

Taking a look in mirror.

Her outfit today feeling much more weather appropriate.

She decides to attempt and get some sun.

Hopeful the time outside will bring some color to her pale skin.

Walking outside she looked around the pool area and saw it was practically deserted.

Smiling as she had the pick of any spot.

She sat down and closed her eyes. Pulling her hat down.

As she began to feel the sun warm her skin.

Sometime later.

She heard the sound of sirens.

That awoke her out of her trance.

And sent her walking quickly to front of the building.

Joining the others who were talking and trying to figure out what had taken place.

As she started to listen.

"They found him in the woods."

"I heard he barely had a pulse."

"They said he was ghostly pale."

"What's going on." Serena asked.

Unable to tone down her curiosity.

"That guy from here Nate."

"Workers from here went looking for him."

"After he had missed curfew."

"And they found him barely breathing in the woods."

"He's on his way to the hospital now."

"They're saying it was an overdose."

That ache in her chest surged as she felt the need to sit down.

Her mind replaying their last conversation.

As her and the rest of the patients are asked to come inside.

Because they have news on Nate to tell us.

The looks on their faces.

Make her want to run into her room and close the door.

Staying safely in her ignorance.

As they look at each other and then to all of us.

Taking a breath as they began to speak.

…


	7. Chapter 7

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 7**

 _Help I have done it again_

 _I have been here many times before_

 _Hurt myself again today_

 _And the worst part there is no one else to blame._

 _Be my friend._

Sighing as he looked around the hallway.

Thankfully no one was around at the moment.

Overhearing talk at the check in desk

He was able to find out where Nate was and was in no mood to fight anyone.

Who would attempt to block him from seeing his lifelong friend.

Carefully he started to walk up to the front door of the hospital room.

And gently turned the knob.

Quickly going inside and shutting the door behind him.

As he followed the beeping of the machines.

Leading him to find Nate.

There were few times in his life.

That he can recall being speechless.

And this was one of them.

He had tubes and wires everywhere.

His skin was as white and colorless as the sheets covering him.

He knew what he told him in the letter.

And obviously, he had left early.

But he knew his friend well enough to know.

He wouldn't have ended up in this bed.

If he felt like there was any hope left for him.

I'm sure those parents of his didn't care or bared the thought of him once.

Probably got rid of any evidence of contact Nate tried to make.

My interactions with them have been very few and when we are in the same room.

It's brief and nothing to personal.

I walked in on a fight between the three of them once.

They see him as an embarrassment and insignificant.

I never understood the dynamics of their relationship.

But what I did know was that he was.

Loyal and understanding, forgiving

And always ready to go on some kind adventure.

I wasn't going to leave him here alone.

My hand shaking as I reached to take his.

Tears welling up in my eyes.

It still felt like he was in there somewhere.

And I was going to talk to him.

Just like he was sitting across from me.

"Nate." I said softly. Emotion causing my voice to break.

Looking away then facing him again. I began to speak.

Hours later

"They called us here and claimed we didn't have time to waste.

Let's see what mess he's gotten himself into this time."

Nate's dad said.

As he held hands with his wife.

Walking inside their son's hospital room.

"What the hell are you doing here Bass!" Nate's father yelled.

"I came here to see Nate."

"Good to see you both."

"It's been awhile."

Chuck said as he started to walk over to them.

"Get out of his room!"

"The only people allowed in here are Archibald's."

"And from some lucky twist of fate you are not one."

"So leave now before we have you thrown out."

Nate's mom said. Staring at Chuck in disbelief.

"I didn't mean any disrespect or harm I just." Chuck started to say.

"I couldn't focus on anything else when I got news of this."

"So I had to see for myself the state he was in."

"I'm sorry." Chuck said.

looking the man and woman in the eyes.

"This is a family matter your input is not needed or wanted."

"Maybe now you will stay away for good."

"You've been involved in this family and our personal business."

"For far too long."

"So if you will excuse us we have to figure out the next steps here."

Nate's father said.

Watching as Chuck left out of the door.

Inside the hospital room

"Let's get this over with."

"Let's agree with whatever the doctor says and get out of here."

The dad said.

"I can't believe he would put us in this kind of position."

"Hasn't he put us through enough already.?" The mother said in response.

As they called the doctor into the room.

Back at the facility

The room buzzed with questions and comments.

As the counselors and faculty members.

Attempted to quiet things down.

"I know there are a lot of unanswered questions."

"Surrounding this entire situation."

"And the details we have given may."

"Bring up emotions."

"And possible emotional and physiological triggers."

"But we are here to offer any support we can give to you."

The counselor said.

Serena feeling comforted knowing she wasn't alone.

In her feelings of fear and uncertainty.

Decided to raise her hand and ask a question.

That had been circling in her mind.

Since she heard the news.

"Can we go and visit him.?" She asks softly.

Trying to not show the hope she had in her eyes.

"No I'm sorry Serena."

"His parents decided."

"That they don't want him to have any inside influences."

"Basically anyone outside the family."

"We can be sure to keep all of you posted."

"Once we find out any new information."

He said looking back at Serena.

"It's been a long day."

"I think we should call it a night and then regroup in the morning."

The counselor said.

As everyone started to go off into their rooms.

Sighing as she looked around the room.

Since she couldn't talk to him in person.

Then she would write to him.

There at least she could be.

Honest, unfiltered, and give him a glimpse of who she really was.

Her mind was made up.

Heading back to her room.

She closed the door behind her.

Grabbed a book from the bookshelf.

And laid down on her bed.

With a pen in hand and paper from the drawer.

She began to write.

 _Dear Nate. I'm felt this connection to you from the minute we interacted._

 _In group for the first time. In that moment, I didn't understand why._

 _It wasn't until that talk we had when you were trying to leave._

 _And the kiss. That sent every other sense I have into overdrive._

 _You pulled apart and away. Once our eyes locked again._

 _You had your heart locked away again._

 _Telling me all the things you could think of._

 _To make me not want to invest myself in you at all._

 _Let me tell you. It didn't work._

 _You try so hard to make it seem like._

 _You don't care about anything or anyone._

 _But I know this much._

 _You care about me too._

 _Whether you ever say it out loud or let the thought cross your mind._

 _You don't do relationships, and think we would destroy each other._

 _I'm sure there is a small amount of truth in both those statements._

 _If that is the case. We can be friends. I think we both could use one._

 _So, when you get this. Read it carefully. Take in my words._

 _And write me back._

 _Serena_

Smiling as she folded the letter and placed it into an envelope.

Putting it safely in her drawer.

Holding onto it until she saw him again.

Until that day she would keep working on.

Her own progress and sobriety.

Getting up and taking the drugs out of the pocket.

Smelling it as she closed her eyes.

Then tossing it into the toilet as she flushed it.

Getting back into bed as she closed her eyes.

Making a mental note to call her mother tomorrow.

She had amends to make.

Beginning with the person who brought her here.

Back at the hospital

I guess my attempt at sneaking in again to see him isn't happening.

Chuck thought to himself.

Looking at hospital door that remained closed.

Since he was kicked out. Which was hours ago.

Having his fill of defeat for tonight.

Made the decision to leave the hospital.

Getting up from the chair.

Feeling a tap on his shoulder.

Turning him around.

As the nurse looked at him.

"Glad to see you're finally going to get some rest."

"You've been here for hours."

"That young man was very lucky to have a friend like you."

"The parents didn't take long to make the decision."

"But never being in that position."

"I'm not going to judge."

"It's good you got to see him for a while at least."

"Many people never get that chance."

"I'm sure he heard you." She said putting her hand on his shoulder.

As she began to walk away.

Chuck quickly stopping her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but you said he was lucky to have a friend like me."

"What did you mean by that.?" Chuck asked. Secretly holding his breath.

"His parents decided to take him off the machines."

"Now that he's free of that."

"If and when he regains consciousness is no longer up to anyone."

"But him." She said.

looking at him sympathetically as she started to get back to work.

Letting out the breath he forgot he was holding.

His legs feeling useless under him.

As the weight of her words.

Replayed in his mind.

The tears he had been holding in began to escape.

As he started to walk slowly.

Into the awaiting doors.

The chapel lite up with candles and a peaceful energy.

The room quiet. While he sat down.

Thankful he had the privacy.

Wiping his eyes.

As he began to speak.

….


	8. Chapter 8

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 8**

 _Say something I'm giving up on you_

 _I'll be the one if you want me to_

 _Anywhere I would of followed you_

His face wet with tears. And eyes tired from lack of sleep and emotional toll.

Chuck took a breath and started to speak. His voice thick with feeling.

"I know you want him back with you."

"He always protected you and loved you and he was one of your few friends."

"I can understand what a void that would leave." Chuck said slowly.

"But I need him." "I don't know who I am without him." Chuck confessed.

Looking away trying to compose himself.

"I hope you're okay Jenny." "At peace and looking out for us."

"I need to go home but I have to see him first."

Chuck decided as he got up and headed towards Nate's hospital room.

Taking his time as he walked through the door.

Sitting down carefully. Not wanting to disturb him.

"So you couldn't go without a goodbye."

"Figures I would have been by earlier but I was occupied with something."

He said. Moving the chair closer to him.

Taking his hand gently. Trying not react to the colder feeling in it now.

Continuing to talk.

"I owe you by the way."

"Being friends with you made me want to try and be different and better."

"I just really need to thank you for that."

"Always being there." "My sounding board and partner in crime."

"You deserved a whole new set of parents."

"You never dwelled on it though."

"You certainty made me appreciate mine."

"You deserve some peace and rest."

"I'm going to let you have that."

"I love you Nate."

Chuck said as he let go of his hand walked out.

Taking a breath. His heart felt as if it was being pulled apart.

He didn't want to risk another run in with Nate's parents.

Closing the door behind him.

As he took one final look at the door.

And began his walk down the hallway.

And into the outside that would lead.

To the parking lot.

He looked up as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Not having had enough caffeine to go another 10 rounds.

He continued walking.

Until he heard an unfamiliar voice.

Attempting to get his attention.

Looking back his eyes landed on a blond young woman.

He had never seen before.

But the look of recognition in her eyes.

Told him that he was exactly who she needed.

"Excuse me I'm really sorry to stop you."

"When your obviously on the way out."

"But I heard through hospital staff."

"That this was Nate's room."

"And I've been desperate to see him."

"I'm Serena by the way."

"I know Nate from the facility we were bought in."

She said relieved to finally have found the right door to wait behind.

"I'm Chuck." "Nate is my best friend." He said with a fading smile.

"If you don't mind me asking."

"How is he doing.?" Serena asked curious.

"Not well at all." Chuck said trying to hold back his emotion.

"I'm really sorry to hear that." Serena said.

Putting her hand on his shoulder.

Surprised at the amount of emotion and ache she felt.

For a guy she barely knew.

"Thank you can I do something else for you.?" Chuck asked.

"Yes I would really appreciate some alone time with him."

"I wrote him this letter."

"I wanted to give it to him in person."

"But seeing how things have changed."

"I think reading it to him would be better."

Serena said looking up at him.

"Wow a letter huh!"

"I didn't think people did that anymore."

Chuck said smiling at her.

"Yea I know but I just had to let him know."

"How I felt and I couldn't wait."

"So would it be alright if I went in.?" She asked.

"Sure no one will bother you."

Chuck said to her.

Watching as she got up and started to go into the room.

"It was nice meeting you Serena."

"It was nice meeting you to Chuck."

She said as she waved goodbye.

Chuck leaving the hospital and getting into car.

Taking a breath as she finished walking into room.

Closing the door behind her.

Feeling scared and nervous. The closer she got.

Once she saw his face.

She calmed.

Sitting in the empty chair she took his hand.

And took out her letter.

Unfolded it and began to read.

Going line by line.

Only now realizing how open about her feelings.

She had been.

The idea that he was going to be able to.

See the human side to her.

Made her happy and want to continue sharing.

Eventually reaching the end of her letter.

Wiping her eyes.

As she felt a small grip on her hand.

Then the machines in the room started going off.

Loudly and she heard the continued stream of a loud noise.

As the door swung open.

And she was asked to leave the room.

While the doctors and nurses stormed in.

Her letter falling to the floor in a rush.

Standing outside the door.

She felt more for him then she realized.

And she needed more time.

And even more importantly to know if felt the same way.

Her heart racing as the door slammed shut in front of her.

…


	9. Chapter 9

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 9**

 _Nothing goes as planned_

 _Everything will break_

 _People say goodbye._

 _In their own special way._

One year later

They were able to save him.

I remember crying tears of relief when I heard.

I've been out of the facility for a few months now.

It is still a day to day decision.

To stay sober.

But I'm doing it.

It feels incredible to be putting my life back together.

I changed my number.

Moved out the area I was living in.

And have reconnected with my parents.

Which has been good for me.

Eric is living out and proudly in LA.

Chuck and I have gotten a lot closer.

He's a good person to have around.

We've become friends.

It's been nice.

I haven't seen Nate since that terrible day.

Once he was stable.

His parents took him and moved him.

Away none of us know where he went.

They wouldn't tell us anything.

Just that he was with his family.

And we didn't need anymore.

Information but that.

And I guess they were right.

Nate and I had just started to get to know each other.

We didn't have much of a relationship.

Maybe they were making the right call.

At least that is what I tell myself.

Looking at the letter I wrote him.

He never read.

Shaking her head as she put it away.

Taking one last look at herself.

Before she left the room.

Her cell phone ringing.

The unknown name and number stopping her in her tracks.

Nate

"I can't do it anymore."

"You both are trying to make up for a lack of parenting."

"And it's only making me want to distance myself more."

"I appreciate you helping me recover."

"But I need to live my own life."

Nate said as he left the house with keys in his hand.

His stuff packed.

And phone in hand as he got into his car.

After earlier on the day making plans with Chuck.

He enjoyed the ride and the driving on these streets.

Eventually reaching Chuck's address.

Getting out of the car.

Hearing the opening of the front door.

As he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Nate." Chuck said softly.

Pulling him into a hug.

Hugging him back.

Suddenly overcome with emotion.

As he spoke.

"Chuck I'm sorry it was so much." Nate said tears welling up in his eyes.

"You are here and healthy and sober."

"Welcomed to stay here as long as you need it."

"Let's get your stuff in then get some pizza and binge watch some series."

"Thanks for the offer.."

"And for being there."

"Then and now."

"I love you too."

"I may not of be able to say it then."

"But having you with me."

"Meant more than I could ever begin to make up for."

Nate said looking into Chuck's eyes.

"Your family."

"No questions asked."

Chuck said.

wiping his eyes.

As they started unloading the boxes.

Awhile later.

Sitting on couch as they watched the beginning of this series.

Nate looked up and started to talk.

"I've been trying to reach out to Serena."

"And haven't been able to reach her."

"Do you have any idea as to why that is.?" Nate asked.

"She changed her number."

Chuck said in response.

"She there that night."

"She came to see you."

"She cares about you."

"By the look on your face."

"You care about her to."

"Someone finally broke through those walls you have up."

"And I think you should see if there is anything worth rebuilding."

"Between you two."

Chuck said.

"What if it was just in that moment."

"Out of convenience."

Nate said.

"Or what if you have the chance to actually be happy.?"

"Wouldn't that be nice for a change.?" Chuck said.

"We're seeing her tomorrow."

…


	10. Chapter 10

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 10**

 _If I could take it all back_

 _I would now_

 _I never meant to let you all down._

 _Figure out how to fix this._

 _I there's a way so I promise_

 _I'm gonna clean up the mess I made_

 _Maybe it's not too late._

Serena took a breath.

Then sat down in the chair. On the stage.

As she stared out at the small crowd.

While she started sing.

 _My days concealed under the cover of night._

 _Colors reflecting off the light in your room._

 _As I take on another identity_

 _Watching the look in your eyes change._

 _When you realize the only getting fooled was you._

 _Thinking I owed you._

 _My time, My heart, And my body,_

 _That you use at your own free will_

 _Leaving me scrambling_

 _For the remainder of moments_

 _That have yet to slip through my fingers._

Opening her eyes.

Taking her hands off the mic.

As applause filled the air.

Smiling while she thanked the crowd and walked backstage.

"I can't believe I did that." Serena said hugging Chuck.

"I told you that voice needs to be shared."

Chuck said smiling at her.

"Now that you have got that out of your system."

"What's next.?" Chuck said.

looking to her.

As they started to walk around the rest of the park.

"Honestly I have no idea." Serena said in response.

"This has been fun."

"I hope you write more songs and perform again."

"Unfortunately our time together has come to an end."

"Really you can't even stay for lunch or dinner.?" Serena asked him.

"Sadly no but I will meet up with you soon." Chuck said.

While he quickly hugged her, and got into his car.

"Thanks for today." Serena said to him.

As she waved goodbye.

Watching him drive off out of the park.

Serena decided to take a walk around and see what else was happening.

Since she didn't come here much.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder.

She turned her around.

A smile coming across her face.

"Nate." She said softly.

"Serena."

"I heard everything you told me."

"In your letter."

"And I want us to build something real and lasting."

"I wrote you a letter back."

Touching her face with his hand as he leaned over.

Kissing her softly.

"Denying I felt anything for you was my only mistake."

Nate said to her.

Serena said looked into his eyes.

As she started to speak.

…


	11. Chapter 11

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 11**

 _Do you know where your heart is?_

 _Do you think you can find it?_

 _Did you trade it for something somewhere?_

 _Better just to have it._

 _Do you know where your love is?_

Taking a breath as she looked away then back at him.

Then she started to speak.

"Nate seeing you here healthy and happy makes my heart so full."

"I shouldn't have kissed you back."

"That was irresponsible and foolish."

She said looking away from his eyes.

"No it wasn't you feel something for me to."

"I heard every single word of your letter."

"You care about me and want to build a future together." Nate said looking into her eyes.

"What I want is for us to be friends."

"This entire thing was based off our circumstances."

"The focus should be remaining sober and getting adjusted."

"To our new lives and who we are now."

"Without the distraction of anything romantic."

She said looking him in the eyes.

"Do you understand what I'm saying.?" She asks him.

"Yes I do."

"You are scared."

"And I get that."

"But we have something."

"This connection that keeps pulling us towards each other."

Nate said looking into her eyes.

"I can only handle friends with you."

"I'm not scared I just can't risk it again." Serena said.

Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Risk what...?" Nate asked her.

"My heart." Serena said turning around as she got into her car.

And drove away.

….

 **Author's Note: Fear, confusion, or way more to the story. What do you think is going on in Serena's head? and What how do you think Nate will react to all of this when he finds out the truth? Things are far from over between Serena and Nate.**

 **Let me know your thoughts, comments, predictions, In the reviews**


	12. Chapter 12

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 12**

 _You're like a dream come dream_

 _But if by chance you're here alone_

 _Can I have a moment_

 _Before I go?_

 _Cause I've been by myself_

 _All night long._

Parking in her driveway. As she wiped her eyes.

Taking a look at herself in the mirror.

Slowly getting out the car.

Taking her time walking up the steps.

Sighing as she opened the door and closed it shut behind her.

Looking around the living room.

Wondering when this place wouldn't feel like she was visiting.

And actually, make her feel safe and secure. Like a home should.

She wasn't going to do this anymore.

Drown her in own self-pity and failed opportunities.

She was different. Strong, self – sufficient. Lonely.

Serena thought as she went into her kitchen and cleaned up.

The remainder of her own celebration she had done before she left.

Nothing wrong with some liquid courage.

She put the opened bottle and unopened one in the fridge.

Then she walked up her staircase.

And down the hallway.

To her bedroom.

Opening the door quietly as if she didn't want to cause a disturbance.

She laid down on her bed.

Staring up toward the ceiling.

Closing her eyes.

As her mind began to wander.

Her cellphone laying on her stomach.

She gently took it off and held it in her hand.

Looking at the numbers in her phone.

As she got up and went to her drawer.

Taking out the letter.

Rereading it one more time.

Taking a breath as she folded it back up.

And ripped it into pieces.

Taking everything and tossing it in the garbage.

What were you thinking?

Writing him that letter.

Opening yourself up again.

After what happened last time.

You knew you were going to see him.

You should have prepared yourself.

Or avoided him all together.

Instead you talked to him

Looked into his eyes.

He had you. In that moment.

But you had to pull away.

I couldn't do it to myself again.

Love has no place in my world.

Serena thought to herself. As she dialed.

A number she knew far too well.

And knew the person would always pick up.

"Hey it's me."

"I'm going to text you my address and if you come over."

"I can guarantee you it will be worth every second." She said.

Smiling as she answered.

"See you soon." Serena said. The smile coming off her face.

While she went into her closet to change.

Putting make up on her face.

Picking out the most revealing dress she owned.

Shaking her head.

As she slipped on her dress and put on her shoes.

Time for the monster to come out and play.

She thought to herself.

Hearing a knock at her door.

As she walked down the steps.

Opened the door.

The person at the other end walking inside.

Taking a look at Serena and smiling.

"Serena it's been so long."

"I see your looks haven't failed you yet."

He said. Taking her in his arms.

Placing kisses on her body.

As she took his hand and found her room.

A silent tear falling from her eyes.

As his hands, cold and unfeeling.

Touched her body.

Hands in her hair.

Lips all over.

His eyes anywhere but locked on hers.

…


	13. Chapter 13

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 13**

 _She took a plane to somewhere out in space._

 _To start her life or maybe change the world._

 _I never meant for you to have to crawl_

 _No I never meant to let you go at all._

 _Now your dazed from all this thinking._

When I woke up.

My body ached.

I felt like I slept in dirt all night.

The pillow cold and wet with my fallen tears.

I got up slowly. Wrapping my robe around my body.

As I walked to the bathroom carefully.

Dropping my robe on the floor.

Stepping into the shower closing the door behind me.

Turning on the knobs. The water pouring on me.

Closing my eyes as the events of last night.

Replay over and over.

Feeling sick with myself and ashamed.

The heat from the water causing steam to fog up the mirror.

While I walk out. Shaking my head.

Wiping off some steam from the mirror.

Staring at myself.

Noticing the person staring back at me.

Is not a person I'm starting to recognize.

Nate

I haven't seen Serena since that day at the park.

I should be focusing on myself and staying clean and building a life.

Starting with me moving out of Chuck's place.

Which he didn't seem to mind too much.

I owe so much of second chance to him.

And his belief and support of me.

We will see each other on a regular basis. I made sure.

To make that clear to him.

I tried to find out some information on the woman.

He's been seeing. But he wouldn't give me anything.

From the smile on his face. He is way more invested.

Then he is letting on.

I'm really happy for him and can't wait to find out more.

My parents have been trying to reach out to me.

And I have no idea what to do about it.

But I figured I would get some advice from someone.

Who's been in the same position.

Hearing a knock at my door.

I go and open it.

The person at the other end of the door.

Smiles warmly.

"Nate Archibald." Serena said as she walked inside.

"Serena." Nate said.

Hugging her warmly.

Sitting down on the couch next to each other.

As Nate gave her a recap of the conversation.

He had with his parents.

Serena listened and took in Nate's concerns.

When he was finished.

she gave her thoughts and advice.

"I have had no interaction with your parents."

"And can only imagine what it was like growing up with them."

"But I think only you can answer this question."

"For me it took time and distance and growth and maturity."

"On both sides to reach the place we are now with each other.

"My parents and I are not the closest."

"But It feels good and safe knowing that I can rely on them and depend on them and expect them to show up for me."

"Family is complicated no matter who it involves."

"Whether you decide to keep them out of your life or start over with them."

"You will have my understanding and support."

Serena said smiling at him.

"Thank you." Nate said finding strength in her words.

"Are we still on shaking hands term or can we hug.?" Nate asked her.

"A hug feels right to me." Serena said.

As she opened her arms to him. And he opened his to her.

Hugging her back.

"Could I have your letter.?" Serena asked him.

When they pulled apart.

"Sure." Nate said to her.

He began to leave the room.

When he got back.

He handed her the envelope.

She thanked him and held it safely close to her.

Looking at her phone then looking at him.

"I should give my number."

"Since we are friends and see each other sometimes." Serena said as she called out her number and he added it to his contacts.

"We are officially digitally linked." Nate says jokingly.

"I like the sound of that." Serena said smiling as she looked down.

"Can I ask something it's kind of personal." Serena said looking him in the eyes.

"Of course you can." Nate said to her.

"I'm sure you've been intimate with women before."

She began to say.

"Yes." He said unsure of where this was going.

"During those times where you sober or loaded on something.?" She asked him.

Looking to him.

"Always loaded on something."

"Those are not my proudest moments."

"Hopefully in the future."

"I get to experience what it means to be in love and have that person love you back." "Which I'm sure makes the closeness of it all that much more meaningful. Nate said looking at her.

"Why do you ask.?" He said curious.

"I've only ever been with guys for a night or a weekend."

"Always loaded and for money." "They would leave it for me."

"My first time sober was the other night."

"And I can't tell whether I'm embarrassed, ashamed, or realize that is all I can ever have." "Relationships, love, openness, are things I don't know how to do."

"Why do you think I rejected you that day." She said.

looking him in the eyes. Tears clouding her view.

"I'm not worth getting invested in and loving."

"All I know how to do is numb myself from anything that feels real."

"I am fucked up." "More than you would ever think."

"Trust me I'm saving you here."

"Just forget it."

"Friends is the safest choice."

Serena said as she became to walk out of the house.

Nate following her as he took her hand.

Causing her to turn around.

They're eyes focused on each other.

"Nate let me go okay please."

Serena said as she tears slide down her face.

"What if I don't want safe and careful."

"I just want you.' Nate said.

Wiping her tears with his hand.

Serena attempted to move her face from his gaze.

But instead of dropping his hand.

He pulled her closer.

"I'm not good enough for you."

"You deserve better, normal, capable of love."

"Why do you keep trying.?"

"Why do you care so much about me.?" Serena said tears welling up again.

Taking her in his arms as he spoke.

"There is so much about you to love and that has yet to be discovered."

"I want to be that person who shows you exactly what you mean to them."

"I love you Serena." Nate said caressing her face.

As he kissed her gently.

…


	14. Chapter 14

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 14**

 _You don't know me_

 _You don't even care._

Breaking the kiss as she pushed him away.

And started to speak.

Looking into his eyes.

"You don't love me.!"

"You couldn't because you have no idea who I really am!"

"If you did I would have been gone by now!"

"Your clinging on to me."

"Because without your brokenness on full display."

You realize that you have no real identity outside of that."

"I don't want or need you to feel anything for me."

"I was perfectly happy before you decided to make me your cause."

Serena said. As she walked toward the door.

Her footsteps hard and heavy.

While Nate began to responded to her.

"It is really mind boggling how your able to twist things around and make it seem full of distrust and wrong meaning."

"If all you think is that I'm going to use you like everyone else."

"Then obviously, your right we don't know each other at all."

"I hope you find what and who you're looking for."

"Because the person in front of me is as hidden and miserable as ever."

"And it breaks my heart to see that."

"But if you need time to find who you are."

"Then do it just don't expect me to be waiting for you."

Nate said as he watched her walk out the door.

Weeks Later

After not feeling good for days. And not knowing what to do anymore.

All the medications and rest seemed to not help anything.

Serena made an appointment at her doctor.

She was here days later.

To the get results of her tests that she had got done.

Her nervousness at an all-time high.

She had no idea what to expect and was worried.

She had been anything but cautious.

With many aspects of her life.

As she heard the opening of the door in front of her.

The doctor coming inside and closing the door behind him.

As he looked at her.

"I have the results of your tests."

"You are pregnant."

He said to her.

The finality in his words.

Made her feel dizzy.

As he began to speak again.

"I can see this news is a shock."

"Hopefully a good one."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks and we can see how things have progressed."

"Congratulations." The doctor said putting his hand on her shoulder.

Giving her a prescription as he left the room.

Waiting awhile.

Her feet feeling weightless as she left the doctor's office.

And went into her car.

Getting out her phone.

And quickly dialing.

The number she needed.

As the person on the other end picked up.

She spoke slowly.

Her voice shaky.

"Chuck." "I'm pregnant." She said as her voice broke.

The tears she had been holding back.

Finally escaped.

…


	15. Chapter 15

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 15**

 _Running away from the streets we knew._

Waking up in this dark room.

Next to someone I don't remember.

Is nothing new to me.

What is different is the fact that I don't care.

I honestly thought a stint in that place.

Would make things clearer.

But if anything.

It has just made everything deafeningly quiet.

This life I'm living.

Is going to take me down

Two paths.

And either of them.

Sound better than having to reminded.

Of who I was.

These streets and this city.

Are getting what they've always wanted.

Which is me gone.

I have his letter.

I don't want to read it.

I just want to remember.

The few moments.

Before I walked away.

That look in his eyes.

The feeling of his lips

On mine.

Knowing what it meant to be wanted, craved, and loved.

I told him not to get invested for a reason.

The person capable of wanting and dreaming, trying, and simply loving.

Left a long time ago.

I was never pregnant.

I was out of mind on a mixture of something I can't even recall now.

The woman I've become is a result of every mistake.

I've ever made.

Starting with letting you back into my life.

Serena thought.

As she threw the framed pictured against the wall.

Watching as the glass shattered. Into pieces on the floor.

Wishing the memories, she held attached to it.

Would as easily leave her.

Taking a last look around.

This place.

She gathered her luggage.

Opened the front door and walked out.

Shutting the door behind her.

Flipping out the light switch.

As she walked outside.

Putting away her luggage.

And starting her car.

Taking a breath as she drove.

All the way to the airport.

Hours later. Having gone through the gate.

And her passport checked out.

She walked onto the plane.

Finding a seat near the back.

Sitting down.

Looking at her ticket.

Putting it away.

Her eyes focused.

Gently opening the envelope.

Unfolding it.

As she began to read.

 _Dear Serena. …_

Reading line by line.

Until she reached the end.

 _Love Nate._

She quickly whipped her eyes.

And placed the letter back into the envelope.

Finding a place for it among her things.

Closing her eyes. As she laid her head down.

The plane disappearing into the clouds.

…

 **To Be continued.**

 **Author's Note: Time jump ahead.**

 **This chapter gave more insight into Serena's thoughts and feelings. There are things about her past that have not been revealed. Where do you think she's off to? Leave your thoughts, comments, predictions. In the reviews.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 16**

 _Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not._

4 years later

I never imagined I would be a witness in a wedding involving Chuck Bass.

But I am here and seeing the obvious happiness and look of love on both him and Blair's faces.

Makes it clear that this decision was the next step.

Blair was doing fashion and working in her own shop.

In a small town.

But decided to close it down.

And move to New York.

In her own words.

She had told Chuck.

"I am so in love with you."

"Being apart like this."

"Is way more difficult than I ever thought it would be."

"Leaving and selling are my decisions."

"I don't expect anything out of you because of it."

"I want us to spend as much time together as we can."

"Hopefully it will lead to a future together."

"If not I will have followed my heart."

"And given all of myself to make this work."

"Let's just love each other and see where it goes."

She said to him.

It leading to him proposing to her 3 years later.

On the day, they met. In Nigeria falls.

Where she accepted with tears and surprise.

Now their wedding day.

Incredibly small.

Just the two of them and me as their witness.

The couple had written their own vows.

Seeing this completely new happier whole side to Chuck.

Makes me believe in it. That love is real and can last.

He ended up throwing away his vows.

And just taking her hands and speaking from his heart.

Which was so unexpected and definitely brought tears.

From more than just the bride.

As the rings were exchanged and they kissed.

Sealing their union.

Walking out from the doors of the church doors.

Getting into the limo.

As I followed along in my own private limo.

Curtsey of Chuck.

"My best man gets the luxury treatment."

"I only plan to marry once I hope."

Chuck told me with a smile.

Reaching the restaurant where we would eat and relax.

Letting them walk inside first.

I listened as I heard the shock and surprise from their voices.

Walking inside after them.

I had family and friends flown in.

And seeing the looks on their faces.

There are no words for how good it felt for this to have worked out.

Receiving a hug and words of appreciation from them both.

While they went into the crowd of people.

I start to walk around and talk with some of the guests.

Making my way around the room.

Chuck had reached out to Serena about being a part of the ceremony.

But she declined. And didn't really give much of an explanation.

Aside from an apology.

Considering me and her never officially started dating or planning a future.

I've moved on from that life of routine and structure.

And decided to give the unknown of the world.

A fair chance.

Going out on dates and traveling some.

All fulfilling and leaving its mark in some way.

None of the dating really leaving it's mark though.

Which isn't for a lack of trying or encouragement from Chuck.

Who wants to hopefully see me happy and looking toward the future.

Maybe even be a guest at my wedding in this lifetime.

I appreciate is uniqueness and advice.

But for right now.

My job is the main focus in my life.

Given him and Blair will be on their honeymoon for a while.

It's just going to be me adjusting to life alone for some time.

In the past that would have driven me to do.

Use and probably end up across the country with a woman I didn't know.

These days.

When I'm not working, or tagging along with Chuck.

Or going to family dinners with my parents.

I spend time at the boys and girls club.

I never realized how fulfilling my life and experiences could be.

Until I viewed it through a child's eyes.

"They call me Nate or Mr. Archibald."

"I help them in any way I can."

"They have taught me so much."

"I am beyond humbled and happy."

"Spending time with them."

As I make my way to the outside.

I look up at the night sky and bright stars.

Thankful for everything I went through.

Because without it I wouldn't be who I am today.

And that is someone that I'm proud of and can see a long life in front of.

Nate thought to himself.

While he sat back on one of the chairs.

And drunk his beverage.

Then started eating his meal.

His phone off in his pocket.

A lot of his life online disappeared.

As his real became more full and time consuming.

His number now changed.

He finally felt like his life mattered.

He was a part of something.

Bigger than himself.

And he was excited for every single day.

That was something.

He had thought would never happen again.

Serena

They say when you're about to die. You're life flashes in front of you.

For me I didn't see snippets. Warm emotion filled memories.

I felt relief I didn't have to keep up this façade any longer.

Instead I just move forward. Leaving it all behind me.

One thought that did cross my mind.

Was when I was found.

People would shake their heads.

And talk about all the potential I had.

In whispered tones in their kitchens and living rooms.

Or in the comfort of their not found picture.

Behind the screen. Tired eyes. Loud voices. Endless typing.

Glow of the keyboard. In the dark of the night.

Laughing along as they read comments about.

Some celebrity they couldn't care less about.

Aside from that.

My story.

My side of things.

Needed to be told.

Waking up in the hospital.

I took a breath.

Looking around

Realizing I was surrounded.

By my parents.

And for the first time.

In many years.

We felt like a family.

….


	17. Chapter 17

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 17**

 _When we were younger_

 _And free_

 _I've forgotten how it felt_

 _When the world fell at our feet._

 _Clearly it doesn't tear you apart_

 _Anymore._

Weeks Later

Chuck called me and insisted that I meet Blair.

The three of us for Lunch.

At a place where we all used to go.

And when it comes to him.

I can't resist.

Plus, I'm excited to meet Blair.

From what Chuck, has told me she's worth the trip back to New York.

Sighing as I pass my old house. And follow my GPS.

To say it's been years since I've been to this place.

Plus, the not so pleasant memories.

That took place last time I was here.

Makes me feel uneasy about being around at all.

As I park in the parking lot.

And get out of the car.

I look up at the sign and smile.

Out of all the restaurants. He picked this one.

Serena thought while she walked through the door.

The ringing of the bell.

Sending waves of nostalgia through her.

Stepping in and taking a seat where she saw Chuck waiting for her.

Smiling as he got out of his seat.

And wrapped his arms around her.

"Serena!" He said softly. Hugging her tightly.

"Chuck!" Serena said tears welling up in her eyes.

As she hugged him back.

Once they pulled apart she quickly whipped her eyes.

"I'm sorry I missed your wedding."

"I owe you and Blair a wedding gift."

"And make it expensive." Serena said as she followed Chuck over to the table.

"No tears allowed today." Chuck said looking to her.

"Serena this is my incredible, talented, wonderful, Wife Blair." Chuck said proudly.

Blushing as she smiled at her.

Before she turned her gaze to Serena.

"Nice to meet you Serena."

"Chuck has told me a lot about you."

"I hope sometime soon."

"We can spend some time together."

"Maybe get our nails done or go to a movie.?" Blair suggested.

"That sounds great." "Either of those." Serena said to her.

"If you ladies will excuse me."

"I will be right back."

Chuck said. Leaving the booth.

While Serena and Blair talked amongst themselves.

Minutes later

Chuck returned to the table.

But he wasn't alone.

"Nate It's really good to see you."

"It's been a few weeks."

Blair said excitedly.

"Hey Blair always nice to be in your company."

Nate said smiling back at her.

"I honestly got sidetracked."

"I was in the middle of a date." He said.

Feeling air suddenly leave her lungs.

As she began to speak.

"Hi Nate." Serena said shyly.

"Hi Serena." Nate said not looking her in the eyes.

While he began to find a place to sit.

Serena looked up at him and spoke.

"Can I talk to you alone.?" She said looking into his eyes.

Shrugging his shoulders and excusing himself from the table.

He started walking down the hallway.

To the back door.

As she followed him.

Taking a breath. As she attempted to compose her thoughts.

But then decided to just speak.

"So what the hell was that.?" "Who has a date during lunch.?" Serena asked him.

"It is none of your business." "Who I spend time with."

"You made it clear years ago we are friends."

"I guess at this point we aren't even that."

"People who used to know each other."

"Or tried to figure each other out."

"What does it matter you anyway.?"

Nate said looking to her.

"If you came back here."

"Expecting me to still be clinging to some resemblance of hope."

"Then you've wasted your time."

Nate said to her.

"I read your letter."

"On the plane when I was leaving."

"I hurt you and pushed you away."

"The way things are now Is my own fault."

"If your happy great."

"I would like to meet her if you'll be around."

"No that isn't needed."

"We've both moved on."

"Friends can be worked out."

"Let's get back in there."

Nate said as he began to walk away.

Serena whipped her eyes.

Taking his hand.

As he turned around.

They're eyes locked.

"What are you doing.?" Nate asked her.

Serena stood in front of him.

Raising her hand as she gently touched his face.

"Nate I just." "I." She said.

Her face wet with falling tears.

Her voice breaking as she looked away.

"I've got to get home." Nate said.

As he walked away.

Taking a breath. While he got into his car.

And drove away.

"I love you too." Serena said.

As she wiped her eyes.

While she headed back into the restaurant.

…


	18. Chapter 18

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 18**

 _If our hearts are never broken._

 _Then there is no joy._

 _In the mending._

Later on, the next day.

"I can't believe you pulled that the other day."

"Pretending to forget to mention to me that Serena would be at lunch."

Nate said as he looked at Chuck.

Chuck stopped what he was doing. And turned to Nate.

"I honestly didn't expect that she would show up."

"Then when you came in later."

"I hoped you two would just avoid each other or try and mend things between you."

"I didn't mean anything by it I wanted Blair to get to know better the two most important people in my life."

"I'm sorry if things were awkward and uncomfortable."

"It will not happen again."

"Next time we can spend time together separately."

Chuck said with sincerity in his voice.

"I know you weren't trying to make things weird."

"I wasn't expecting to see her."

"It through me off."

"Then that conversation we had."

"Brought up a lot."

Nate said as he looked away.

"Anything you would like to share.?"

Chuck asked him.

"She was jealous that I was on date."

"And I told her who I spent time with and we did was none of her business."

"That's true." Chuck said.

"Then I asked her why did she care."

"Because she had made it clear to me years ago that she just wanted us to be friends."

"And at this point we weren't even that."

Nate said.

"Ouch!" Chuck said in response.

"It's reality we hadn't spoken or seen each other."

"In four years."

"I also said if she came back here expecting me to be holding on to some hope."

"For anything between us then she wasted her time."

Nate continued.

"Wow you really held nothing back."

Chuck said surprised.

"Why should I.?"

"I put myself out there for her in more ways than one."

"And ended up getting rejected and made to feel like."

"I was wrong for moving on with my life."

"I'm done with that."

"I won't sacrifice my happiness and let my heart get broken again."

"I give up."

"We are two separate people."

"That knew each other in another life."

Nate said as he took a breath.

"Okay I won't bring her up again to you."

"For any reason."

Chuck said as he went back to what he was doing.

"So tell me about her."

Chuck said looking at Nate.

"Who.?" Nate said to him.

"The person you think I don't know about."

Chuck said smiling at him.

"Don't you have a honeymoon to get ready for.?" Nate said jokingly.

"I will be leaving in an hour or so."

"Just enough time for you to tell me everything."

Chuck said as he sat down.

And looked at Nate.

"She's really become important to me." Nate began to say.

Hours into the night

As Nate opened the door to his home.

Smiling as the other person on the opposite side of the door.

Walked inside. Closing the door behind them.

While he took her into his arms.

Kissing her as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I missed being in this arms." The woman said.

"I missed waking up to this face."

He said caressing her face lightly with his hand.

"I am completely falling for you Nate."

She said looking into his eyes.

"You have become such an important and vital person."

"In my life."

"I care about so much." Nate said to her.

"We've been together for almost a year."

"And I haven't brought it up."

"Because I don't want you to feel like."

"All I'm after is the physical aspect of our relationship."

"That would the farthest from the truth."

"You are the most incredible, thoughtful, generous, open hearted man."

"I've ever dated." She said to him.

"So far this sounds good." Nate said smiling at her.

As she continued.

"You told me you didn't feel like you could trust anyone with your heart again."

"Before you met me."

"You have no idea what that meant to me."

"To hear how much of an impact I made simply by caring about you back."

"When we spend the night together for the first time."

"I want to be right and a memory that you always have."

"Because you deserve that."

"A love that is equal and beautiful and that makes you feel a part of something real."

She said looking into his eyes.

"That's all I've ever wanted." Nate said looking to her.

"Now you have it."

"Our 1 year anniversary is coming up."

"And I rented us this breath – taking cottage in the mountains.

"It is just the perfect location to celebrate us." She said to him.

"I can't wait." Nate said to her in response.

"As for tonight you leave that up to me." He said taking her hand.

Serena

"Eric I know okay that did everything possible."

"So that there would be nothing but distance between us."

"And now it's too late."

"He's dating someone."

"And just that small glimpse alone I saw when he mentioned her."

"He's happy."

"And after everything I put him through."

"I just need to let him go."

"Serena said as her voice broke.

…

 **Author's Note: Can Serena and Nate ever just be friends?**

 **Is it over for good?**

 **And what is Nate's mystery woman's story?**

 **Let me know your thoughts, comments, predictions.**

 **In the reviews.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 19**

 _There's distance_

 _And there's silence_

 _Your words have never left me._

 _They're the prayer_

 _That I say every day._

A few weeks later

As I looked over at Whitney. While we waited for our dinner orders.

I realized how unexpected our start was.

She was working at this book store.

And I was really distracted by what I was reading at the moment.

Not realizing where I was headed. And walked right into this display of books.

Sending the stack all over the floor.

She was on the other side of the room and walked over to me.

Smiling and said.

"Just couldn't put it down now could you.? She asked me.

Her smile bright. Grey eyes shining. And black hair in a bun.

"No I seriously couldn't it had me captivated."

I said in response.

"You help me pick these up and then I can give you some recommendations." She said as she started to pick up the books.

"Sounds more than fair." "And some coffee." "I always need caffeine especially when I'm reading books I like that way I don't fall asleep during the best parts and lose the bookmark." I said smiling at her.

"Deal and I can't tell you how many times that has happened to me." She said while she stacked the books she had in her hand back on the display table.

Picking up the remaining books.

And placing them on the opposite side of the ones she staked.

"Whitney Gregory." She said sticking her hand out for me to shake.

"Nate Archibald." I said sticking out my hand and shaking it.

"It just so happens I'm going to be going on break right now."

"I have about an hour so let's get that coffee." She said while she started walking out the store.

"You pick the place." I said walking beside her.

Fast forward months later we became friends.

During one of our outings.

I learned that Whitney's family was from old money and she had grown up.

With a lot of privilege. But as she grew up she felt the urge to not simply rely on their money and the advantages she had grown accustomed to.

Declining the inheritance, she was supposed to get at 25.

Instead deciding to donate it to her favorite charity Locks of love.

Which holds a special place in her heart.

Because she had lost her sister to cancer when they were teenagers.

And her sister had used the charity and had grown close to the people involved.

After her sister died. Whitney drifted and distanced herself.

Her parents in fear that they would lose their other daughter sent Whitney to live with her grandparents for about six months.

Hopeful that the change of scenery would help her.

And it had so much that Whitney decided to stay with her grandparents and live in New York.

After she graduated high school she moved out to a house of her own.

With some money, she had in savings.

And that is where she still lives to this day.

Her and her family are incredibly close.

They have weekly dinners and go on vacations together.

Spend as many holidays together as they can.

And are in constant contact.

By phone calls or video chat.

It is not what I'm used to.

But the first family dinner I went to.

Where I met her parents then later on during dessert her grandparents.

I had a revelation as to why they were that way.

"They generally and honestly loved each other.

And didn't agree with every decision and had arguments.

Overall they were a real family.

That embraced me into their lives.

The minute I stepped through the door.

I've only thought this in my mind.

But I see a future with her.

And it feels unreal to feel that way about someone.

But it also feels right.

Smiling at her. As I take her hand in mine and kiss it.

In response, she leans over and kisses me.

Sometime later

We get our food and are very much into our current conversation and each other.

Completely unaware of the couple sitting about two tables down from us.

That was until I realized I knew that laugh I was hearing.

And the voice I heard talking mixed with a other person I couldn't place.

Looking over as I got my suspicion confirmed.

It was Serena and some guy that looked familiar.

But his name kept seeming more far away the more I tried to remember it.

Seeing how they were dressed and the body language.

Told me they were on a date.

But the bigger question is why did it annoy me.

Nate thought to himself.

While he began to look over the dessert menu.

"I cannot wait to get on that plane."

"And celebrate our first of many years together."

Whitney said to him.

As she smiled leaned over and kissed him.

Serena

I have to hand it to Blair.

this guy is funny, and interesting, and passionate about what he does for a living.

And Is into me.

Which is exciting.

It's been so long since I've been out on a real date.

I was worried I wouldn't know what to do.

But he makes me feel comfortable and cares about what I have to say.

And doesn't judge me for my past.

It's safe to say.

We will be seeing each other again.

Serena thought to herself.

As she smiled back at him.

Taking a glance around the room.

I spotted this very affectionate couple.

Just a few seats down.

Smiling at them.

It's nice to see people in love.

As they pulled apart.

Serena realized she recognized the faces of the people.

It was Nate and the woman I assumed was his girlfriend.

They are certainly not shy. Serena thought to herself.

As she took another quick glance at him.

"You wouldn't even be on this date with woman if you knew the truth."

Serena thought to herself.

Attempting to not let it ruin her evening.

Turning back to her date.

But she couldn't get over how he was looking at her.

"That should have been me." Serena thought.

As she took her date's hand.

Trying to engage back in the conversation.

Which was working out.

That was until

She saw Nate and his date start to leave the restaurant.

In that moment, she just couldn't stop herself.

And got out of her seat.

As she began walking over to them.

Seeming to ignore the calls of her name.

From her date.

Her focus zoomed in the closer she got to him.

Taking a breath. As she put her hand on his shoulder.

Noticing now that the date was gone.

Maybe she was waiting in the car for him.

Or waiting with an open hand to hold his.

Nate turned around. His eyes locked on hers.

A surprise expression comes over his face.

As Serena begins to speak.

"Nate I know I should have found a way to tell you this."

"So long ago."

"But I just couldn't."

"Now I can."

"I'm in love with you Nate Archibald."

Serena said looking him in the eyes.

In that moment.

It was as if the world slowed.

Nothing else existing but the two of them.

As Nate looked at her.

And began to speak.

"I can't trust you anymore."

"As anything real in my life."

"We were brought into each other's lives for a reason."

"I have yet to figure out why that is."

"Goodbye Serena."

Nate said.

As he began to walk away and into the awaiting car.

Serena's heart felt as if it may fall out of her.

She couldn't speak.

Emotion clouding her words.

Tears welling up in her eyes.

As she took his hand.

Causing him to turn back.

As she kissed him.

Wrapping her arms around him.

Wanting to close any gap between them.

…


	20. Chapter 20

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 20**

 _You just get me_

 _Like I've never_

 _Been gotten before._

 _Don't make me think of him._

 _The way he touched your fragile skin._

 _It haunts me every day._

Breaking the kiss. As I caught my breath. Staring into her eyes.

Cradling her face with my hand.

Letting it go. While I tried to think of what to say or do next.

Looking down at my phone. A text lighting up my screen.

 _Where are you? Are you okay?_ Reading this text from Whitney.

Reminded me of why I was out here to begin with.

We had a plane to catch.

But I couldn't move. I just wanted to recapture that moment.

She loved me back.

I actually walked out on my date. And came out and confessed my feelings.

Then I kissed him. Now he knows my heart's true feelings.

Neither of us are talking.

That isn't a good sign.

Serena thought to herself as she looked up at him.

"Nate say something please." Serena said emotion causing her voice to break.

"Serena." "I never thought I would see and hear you say those words to me."

"And I hope you find exactly this." "But I can't just drop everything and go home with you."

"Acting as if nothing lead us to this point."

"I have someone that knows exactly what they want and who they are."

"She doesn't play games, honest, straight forward, and most of all she loves me."

Nate said his voice shaky.

"But you don't love her!" Serena said as tears fell from her eyes.

"You love me I know you do."

"Every single time I pushed you away."

"You came back to me."

"Even when I didn't deserve it."

"I know that you don't feel like I'm worth trusting."

"Especially when I've given you every reason not."

"But things are different." "I'm a new person."

"In all the qualities and good points you listed you have yet."

"To look in my eyes and tell me I'm wrong."

"That you're in love with her and kissing me back was a mistake."

Serena said as she tried to gain control of her emotions.

But failed the more she spoke.

"We have an anniversary to celebrate."

"I'm standing here while you once again."

"Try to correct your wrong."

"And make me want to comfort you and make it okay."

"When it is far from that."

"None of it is relevant now."

"What you feel now is regret and jealously."

"I kissed you back but I also broke the kiss."

"I finally know what it means."

"To be enough, to be cared about, and to be happy."

"Without it having to be so hard."

"Wondering and waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Waking up in the morning and you not being there."

"It's easy for you to say all of this."

"Then you take off and I'm left having to put myself back together."

"I need someone that I can depend on and give myself to."

"Know what love is and how to accept it and express it."

"All you know how to do is run away."

"And I'm tired of waiting."

Nate said as he took one more look at her and started to walk into the direction of the car.

Watching as they drove away.

Serena couldn't care less who saw her.

She didn't have the strength to fight it anymore.

As she let her heart break.

…


	21. Chapter 21

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 21**

 _It's personal myself and I_

 _We've got some straightening out to do_

 _I'm not going to miss you._

 _I've got to get a move on_

 _With my life._

The next morning

Waking up in the outfit she had been wearing.

Serena got up slowly. Taking a breath.

Looking at herself in the mirror.

Smeared makeup and dried tear streaks down her face.

Putting a hand to her chest.

The ache that throbbed in her heart.

She wondered if it would always hurt this deeply.

Closing her eyes. The memories of their conversation.

Came rushing back to her. Her pouring her feelings out.

Him walking away. And getting into the car.

Surprised how she able to make it home in one piece.

The way her legs shook. And her eyes blurry with tears.

Finding a taxi and quickly getting home.

Laying her head gently back on the seat.

Looking out the window. At the lite up New York streets.

Eventually getting to her home.

Her shaking hands. Opened the front door.

Not bothering to turn on the light.

As she simply collapsed on her bed.

Until she awoke right now.

Walking to her drawer she got out his letter.

Taking a look at his name on the envelope.

And tore it up. Into pieces. Deciding then to open her window.

As she tossed the shredded bits of words she thought had meaning.

From someone she loved. Out the window.

Watching as they fell to the ground.

Now realizing.

Maybe that was her mistake.

Believing in love at all.

Looking out her opened window.

She just wanted to be alone.

Serena honestly began to believe.

Maybe that was what this entire situation.

Was meant to show.

She wasn't destined for everlasting love.

It simply wasn't a part of her future.

And she believed it was for the best.

Would she even know what to do?

If she found happiness.

She thought some more while getting into the shower.

Hours later

Dressed and having eaten breakfast.

Serena heard a knock at the door.

Not in the mood for company.

She let the person keep knocking.

Until it stopped.

Then she heard her name being called.

And froze.

"Serena!" "Open the door!" The voice said.

"Go away!"

"You have no reason to be here."

Serena said in response.

Taking a breath.

As she walked towards the front door.

And opened it gently.

To see Nate standing in front of her.

Her arms crossed.

As she spoke.

"What the hell are you doing here!"

"Aren't you supposed to be."

"Drinking champagne and being all in love with whatever her name is." Serena said staring blankly at him.

"I'm not here about her."

"I'm here to talk about you and me."

Nate said looking at her.

Seeing the pain in her eyes.

"Before you say another word."

"I'm going to talk."

"And you are going to listen."

Serena said her voice clear and full of emotion.

"Just to be clear there is no me and you."

"I thought I knew you."

" That you were someone I could trust and love."

"Who wouldn't throw my mistakes in my face."

"Making me regret ever sharing myself with you at all."

"I'm flawed like anyone else who has ever lived a life."

"But at least I'm strong enough to admit it and work on myself."

"Did you ever wonder why in the past I ran."

"When I couldn't deal with things or myself."

"It's because I never thought I deserved to be happy."

"I figured eventually the life I was living would kill me anyway.

"So why should I care.?" Serena said tears welling up in her eyes.

"You never have to worry about me."

"Having anything to do with you."

"Romantically or otherwise."

"The only regret I have is letting you into my heart."

"Lose this address and my number."

"We have no lose ends here."

"Goodbye." Serena said closing the door.

As she heard footsteps back away from her door.

…


	22. Chapter 22

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 22**

 _We don't talk anymore_

 _Like we used to do._

 _What was all of it for?_

Still not feeling up to facing anyone. Serena decided to create a sign.

And post it on her front door.

Getting out a marker and piece of paper as she quickly wrote her message.

Then she unlocked her door. And opened it slowly.

Jumping in surprise as she was once again face to face with Nate.

At the sight of her he walked up going in front of her door.

She deciding to ignore him. Continued to post her sign.

Turning her back as she got out her tape. Placing the sign.

In the center of her door. So, it was the first thing you saw.

Taking a look at it. While she smoothed it out.

Smiling as she reread it.

Nate read it and laughed.

Causing her to turn her head and look at him.

 _Fuck off_

 _Goodbye_

 _This goes double to anyone named Nate Archibald._

"That is some sign you have going on there."

Nate said as he looked at her.

"If you're looking for some comfort and a body to keep you warm."

"Take a look back at your long list of lovers and choose one."

"Otherwise read the sign and keep moving."

She said. Looking at him. Expecting to see him walk away.

Instead he stood there. Looking at her.

"I don't want to worry my neighbors."

"Plus you probably won't leave until you talk to me."

"So come in but don't get comfortable."

Serena said as she opened her door.

Walking inside. As Nate followed behind her.

Taking a look around the room.

He realized it hadn't changed much.

As he watched her sit down.

On the couch. While she took a pillow, and held it on her lap.

He made the decision not to sit.

He just wanted her to hear what he had to say.

The last thing on his mind was his own needs.

As she looked over at him.

Her eyes vacant the brightness inside them gone.

"Serena the minute I heard your laugh."

"And looked over and saw it was you."

"I wasn't able to keep my eyes or my mind on anything else."

"But how seemingly happy you looked."

"And who the hell was this guy."

"Holding your hand and sitting close to you."

"Causing that eyes closed, head back laugh."

"To come from you."

"The sound sending a sense of nervousness to me."

"You were moving on."

"And then I attempted to keep the night going."

"But every so often I would look over and see the two of you."

"Interacting with each other and it drove me insane."

"I wanted to tell you that you didn't have it keep looking."

"The person you are supposed to be with was right here."

"I couldn't take the back and forth."

"And trying to not jump out of my seat."

"So I convinced my date to leave."

"We'd continue the night somewhere else."

Serena cutting him off as she continued the retelling of the night.

"I followed you out putting my hand on your shoulder."

"You turned back to look at me." "And I told you."

"I was in love with you." Serena said wiping a falling tear from her face.

"And I said so much." "By the time I was finished."

"I couldn't read the look on your face."

"I felt wrong and cruel."

"For the words I used."

"I needed to get away and figure out."

"Where I lost my way."

"And I left.

"Leaving you there."

"My chest aching as I looked back."

"Before I got into the car."

"And drove away."

Nate said as he looking past her.

Finding her voice again as she spoke.

"I was heartbroken and humiliated."

"I had left myself completely open and vulnerable."

"To you which I guess was my own fault."

"I didn't think it would hurt as much as it did."

"That is the exact reason I never let myself."

"Get attached and fall in love and depend on anyone."

"Because it's all just crap."

"Something we have to tell ourselves."

"So we can focus and devote our time to something that."

"Makes the unknown of the future bearable."

"You don't love me."

"And that's okay."

"Really it is."

"We would have found a way to ruin it anyway."

"It was nice to hope for a little while."

Serena said as she looked him in the eyes.

He touched her face. Carefully with his hand.

Causing their eyes to lock.

As he leaned over.

Kissing her.

With surprise, she pushed him away.

Their eyes still on each other.

While Serena spoke.

"What about her.?" Serena said.

"I couldn't leave with her."

"After everything that happened between us."

"I told her I was sorry and that she deserved so much better than me."

"I ended things with her."

"Making it clear it wasn't her."

"That this was all me."

"I was in love with someone else."

"And I couldn't lose her again."

Nate said as started to kiss her again.

Serena then pushed him away.

Catching her breath as she spoke.

"No you broke my heart."

"Did you really think the revelation you ended things with her."

"And that you somewhere in there realized you loved me."

"Was just going to erase it all.?"

She said looking him the eyes.

"You are just like all the others."

"You tell me what I want to hear."

"So you can sleep with me."

"Then in the morning."

"Realize how emotionally fucked up you were or just in need of a warm body."

"Then when you're feeling better."

"We'll just be friends."

"Meanwhile my heart is smashed in all over again."

"And you won't care less."

"It'll all be in the past."

"You'll meet someone new and fall deeply in love."

"Get married and have babies."

"Move into some huge house."

"And life will go on."

"You will forget all about me."

Serena said tears welling up in her eyes.

"Serena that's not true."

"I'm in love with you."

Nate said touching her face.

"Until someone else."

"Who you don't have to worry about saving and piecing back together comes along."

Serena said as she got up.

"Get out!" She said.

As he got up.

And walked to the door.

Opening it as she closed the door behind him.

…

 **Author's Note: So much took place in this chapter. Time jump ahead.**

 **Let me know your thoughts, comments. For this chapter. And your predictions and ideas for the next chapter. I look forward to reading your reviews. So, keep them coming. And be honest.**

 **See you next chapter.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 23**

 _The past is dead and buried._

 _You'll get nothing._

 _From living there._

 _It's all about today._

2 years later

Serena hugged her brother Eric tightly.

As she waved goodbye. Thanking him again.

For allowing her to stay with him. While she visited.

LA had been refreshing for her.

There's a sense of adventure that runs through you.

When you live somewhere and can be left alone.

To experience and grow as a person.

During her time, here she had awakened a love of writing.

That she never knew existed.

She had met with some publishers and they had agreed that once she had finished her book. They would be more than willing to help her get it out into the public.

Which intimated her a lot but also gave her this sense of purpose and want to make sure she gave as much of herself into her novel as she could.

While she was away. She kept in touch with Chuck and her parents.

Early in the day. During breakfast. Serena had got a call.

From Blair, full of excitement and utter joy.

Blair announced practically screaming through the phone.

That she was pregnant.

Chuck and her had found out a couple of days ago.

But wanted to wait awhile before they announced it.

And pleaded with me to come back to New York.

Because they were hosting a family dinner.

With her family and Chuck wanted her there.

Eric would be there as well. She invited him a day before. As she went on and on. She paused as she began to mention the other guest that would be coming.

Nate is going to be there. She said softly.

I told her not to give it another thought.

This was their night and it was going to go smoothly.

"I'm bringing baby gifts 1 for a boy and a girl."

I said as I smiled.

She laughed as she told me about hearing the baby's heartbeat.

The conversation between us lasting an hour or two.

Hanging up I packed up my belongings and headed out.

Into my car. And began to drive away.

Hours later

After getting off the plane. And parking in my driveway.

I was back in my home. Smiling as I took my luggage to the couch starting to unpack.

Before that I wanted to reread my first few chapters of my story. Running my hand over the title.

 _Answers, Questions, And Truth._

 _By Serena Van der Woodsen._

Taking a breath as she began to read.

She ended up falling asleep with the book draft in her hands.

In the morning

Going to her bookshelf and putting the draft safely away.

She decided the only way later on tonight would go well.

Is if her and Nate met up beforehand.

Which is why she was hopeful he hadn't changed his number.

As she clicked the icon that dialed his number.

The phone rang. Once then another time. As I was about to hang up.

I heard his voice.

And my heart jumped.

"Hello.?" He said unsurely.

"Hi Nate it's me Serena."

"This is completely out of nowhere."

"I'm back in the city for Chuck and Blair's dinner."

"They have planned and I heard you were going to be there."

"So I was just wondering if you would be open to meeting up."

"For lunch any place with me.?"

"Just so we could get the awkwardness out of the way."

As he paused before responding.

Leaving me to wonder if this was more about me then him.

As he spoke again.

"I think that is a good idea."

"And we could meet at Maroni Hot Pots."

He had said.

Smiling as I replied.

"That sounds great." "I remember where that is." I said back to him.

"See you in ten minutes." I said as I hung up the phone.

Taking a breath as I reapplied my lipstick.

Ran my fingers through my hair.

And I was in my car.

Starting it as music from the stereo filled the car.

Minutes later. I was in front of the restaurant parked next to a car I recognized.

God, it looks better than I remember.

As he catches the sight of me

And walks out of his car.

Don't look directly in his eyes.

And breath.

This should be okay.

Serena thought while she walked over to him.

When they were finally face to face.

He smiled at her warmly.

As she smiled back and looked away.

She extended her hand.

Then saw he opened his arm.

Then she opened her arms to him.

Both of them leaning forward.

Into a quick hug.

Pulling apart as they walked inside the restaurant one by one.

Sitting down at the nearest and emptiest table they saw.

Looking the menus as the made their choices and put in their orders.

While they waited. Neither of them.

Tried to look at the other.

Eventually their food came and they ate.

Sometime after that.

Serena looked up at him. As they were leaving.

And said to him.

"I'm sorry for how I left things."

"And I forgive you." She said to him.

While they walked out to the cars.

"I'm glad to have your forgiveness."

"And no need to apologize."

"We were both hurt and hurting."

"Unfortunately taking out most of it."

"On each other."

Nate said looking back at her.

"We deserve a new start with each other."

"Finally giving each other a chance."

"For who we are today."

Serena said to him.

"Friends." Nate said to her.

"extending his hand to her.

"Friends it is." Serena said.

Smiling as she stuck out her hand.

Shaking it with his.

While they pulled apart.

Nate looked into her eyes.

As he spoke again.

"Since we didn't really get enough time together."

"Here." "Would you like to come over to my house.?"

Nate asked her.

"Sure sounds fun." Serena said.

As she got into Nate's car and sat in his passenger's seat.

The drive was quiet.

In time, they got there.

He parked his car. Walked out opening her door.

She thanked him.

While they walked up the stairs together.

He went in front of her opening the door and turning on the light.

As she walked inside behind him.

Closing the door.

While they walked more into the house.

Taking a look around.

Serena was in awe.

This was not the one-person bachelor pad she remembered.

It was a bigger home.

With a beautiful staircase and study.

The living room. Full of comfort and touches of color.

Carpeting to relax and bookcases.

Dark wood floors.

A fireplace burning in the center.

Taking a look up the stairs.

She took notice of the multiple doors.

Facing him again.

As she smiled.

"This home is outstanding." Serena said truly amazed.

Blushing slightly as he looked up at her.

"Thank you."

"This is the kind of home I've always wanted."

Nate said looking to her.

As they sat down.

"Would you like a drink.?" He offered.

"No alcohol." "Just all hot beverages."

"teas and coffees and some hot chocolates, ciders."

"He said looking up at her.

"Whatever you're having." Serena said smiling as she looked up at him.

He handed her a full glass of a smoky drink.

Watching as she took a sip and gently placed it down.

"This is delicious." Serena said her face lighting up.

"Thanks I'll tell the person who made it you're a fan." Nate said smiling back at her.

"See we can do this."

"Get back this leveled place between us."

"There is no reason it has to awkward or uncomfortable."

"So this home of yours."

"You're living here alone.?" Serena asked curious.

"Yes." "I know it may seem a little strange."

"But when I saw this place."

"I knew it was meant to be mine."

"I saw potential and a future."

"Within these walls that I couldn't let go of."

"So I bought it and here I am." Nate said.

looking back to her.

"I'm really proud of you." Serena said to him.

"You have built this beautiful life."

"For yourself and now you can enjoy having found your place in life."

Serena said to him.

"Thanks that means so much."

"Especially coming from you."

Nate said.

As he finished his drink.

"You have your own compliments on the way."

"MS soon to be published author."

Nate said as he smiled at her.

"Chuck sent me some of your drafts."

"You are so talented and have an honest raw insight."

"That I truly believe will touch other people."

"It truly affected me."

Nate said looking at her.

"Thank you Nate." Serena said as she put her hand on his.

"The tour is nowhere near finished."

"The is an entire upper level to explore."

"Come with me." He said looking to her as he held her hand.

They walked up the stairs slowly.

Then began to go through the bedrooms.

Each with a purpose. And undiscovered story.

"Lastly is my room." Nate said.

As they walked through the door.

Closing the door behind them.

…


	24. Chapter 24

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 24**

 _Tell me I'm safe_

 _You've got me now._

As Nate turned on the light. Serena looked around.

Suddenly feeling safe. So much of his personality was displayed throughout the room.

Dark blue sheets on the bed.

Light grey walls.

A view of the skyline. At night.

"It feels like you in here." Serena said turning to him.

Smiling warmly.

Realizing she was still holding his hand.

She attempted to let go. But he then began to speak.

"That is exactly what I wanted the outcome to be like."

"For the people who enter here to be welcomed."

"And feel like they have privacy and what takes place here."

"Stays quietly tucked away in these walls."

Nate said looking down modestly.

As he looked back up at her.

"You are truly a gentleman."

"Between your intoxicating charm."

"Your protective, loving, nature,

"Strength and vulnerability."

"Add that smile, eyes, and big heart."

"I'm sure women."

"Are falling over each other trying to get to you."

Serena said.

Taking her hand from his as she walked over to the fire place.

Watching the fire crackle and burn.

"Actually." Nate said.

Starting to talk as his voice turned Serena's head around.

"Women have shown interest in me over the years."

"And I've gone out on a date or two."

"But my heart just hasn't gotten to invested in anyone."

"No women have come here or spend the night or anything."

Nate said to her.

"I get what you mean it's like you want to have that person."

"Who compliments you."

"Together you fit."

"It's like your heart's were meant to beat at once."

"You inspire the other person to keep reaching."

"Going for their dreams."

"While you support them."

"And they do the exact same for you."

"Touching them or hearing them say your name."

"Sends you soaring."

"Your body aching with want that only they can fulfill."

Taking a breath.

As he walked closer to her.

"Yea I hear you." Nate said.

"When simply being near them isn't enough."

"You want them,"

"Crave them."

"Want to be given access to their most closed off parts."

"Letting them be free to express every single want."

"Desire."

"Secret."

"Knowing they finally have a safe place."

"To be vulnerable and open."

"Having to resist taking their face in your hands."

"Wanting to hold them in your arms.

"Kissing them."

"Indulging yourself in their warmth and their beauty."

"Pulling apart only to catch our breaths."

Nate said looking into her eyes.

Taking her hand again.

As their eyes, locked.

"Yes." Serena said losing track of her words.

Her heart pounding louder and louder.

She began to look away.

Nate taking his hand lifting up her face.

Not being able to take his eyes off her.

Serena looked up.

Tears welling up in her eyes.

"I'm scared." She said softly.

"I am too."

Nate said.

As he started to caress her face.

"I love you." Nate said.

"I love you too." Serena said.

Her voice breaking.

Nate wiped away tears.

And kissed her gently.

…


	25. Chapter 25

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 25**

 _Is this the end of the moment?_

 _Or just a beautiful unfolding._

 _Of a love_

 _That will never be._

Breaking the kiss.

As he caught his breath.

Serena looked at him.

With a surprised look on her face.

"What's wrong.?" She said looking at him.

"As she touched his face with her hand.

"We need to stop."

"Our first night together."

"Is supposed be beautiful and special."

"Hopefully after a really incredible date."

"Not this." "We're rushing and I want it to be perfect."

"For you."

"Given everything you went through."

"And the fact that I'm so in love with you."

Nate said looking to her.

"You are such a good guy."

"And I appreciate you and love you in more ways."

"Then I will ever be able to express."

"I want you."

"And not just for this weekend or months from now."

"I mean for the rest of my life."

"We've waited."

"Years for things to fall into place."

"And for both of us to just put our pride aside and give in to our feelings."

"So I can wait to see what you plan for us."

Serena said.

Smiling as she whispered in his ear.

"Just make sure no one else is around."

"And if we are in a room somewhere."

"I would apologize in advance."

Serena said Smiling at him.

As she laced their fingers together.

"Apologize to them for what.?" Nate asked.

"You'll see on that night." Serena said.

Quickly kissing him again.

As they left for the dinner.

…

 **Author's Note: These two I love them. Keep leaving me your ideas, thoughts, suggestions. Every review gets read and ideas and suggestion get taken into consideration with new chapters.**

 **See you next time.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 26**

 _Belief makes things real._

 _Makes things_

 _Feel_

 _Alright._

 _Belief_

 _Makes things true_

 _Things like you and I._

As Nate drove to their house.

He looked over at Serena and noticed she was smiling.

And had her hands full with two bags.

"Wishful thinking." He said looking to her.

Making refence to the bags.

"A little but this a joke between Blair and I." Serena said looking over at him.

"Interesting." Nate said in response.

"It is really exciting and makes me think."

"They are so good together so in love and now they're having this baby."

"If I'm being honest I can admit I never saw kids as a part of my future."

"I mean between my parents and my own issues."

"I thought there was no way I could ever truly be able to."

"Allow myself the opportunity to have something so perfect and beautiful."

"A love so pure I would give my life to protect it."

"But now to say I've had a change of heart is an understatement."

She said looking to him.

Taking her hand. As he looked in her direction.

"You should have that." "A child would benefit in every way."

"With you being its mother." He said to her.

"What about you.?" Serena asked.

Touching his face with her hand. As she faced him.

"I want to be dad" "I know that along with being a husband."

"It would be the most guarded and enriching part of my life."

"I would devote every single ounce of my heart, time, and experience."

"To make sure they knew how much they were loved."

"And how I wouldn't be the man I am without them."

He said looking in her eyes.

Pausing as he parked the car.

"Imagining you as a father."

"Makes me want to cry you would the most loving and patient dad to your child."

Serena said.

Taking his face in her hands.

Kissing him gently.

Breaking the kiss as he smiled.

Caressing her face.

As he let go.

Taking her hand as they began to get out of the car and walk up the stairs.

Knocking on the door in front of them.

The door opening immediately.

"You're here!" Blair said excitedly as she wrapped her arms around the pair.

While they walked inside. Closing the door behind them.

"Honey come on." "Let's give them a minute."

Chuck said.

Taking her hand in his.

"S." "So good to see you."

"And Nate you look very happy."

"Thank you so much for coming."

"I see you bought the gifts."

"Those can go on the table right over there."

As he pointed to the table labeled.

 _For Baby to Be._

"I didn't expect to see the two of you coming here together."

Chuck remarked surprised.

Silently taking notice of their held hands.

While Nate began to speak.

"We just figured why not drive over together."

Nate said looking to Serena.

"That's right we can put our personal feelings aside."

"This night is about you, Blair, and baby Bass."

"Who I can't wait to spoil and love." Serena said smiling.

"Find a seat and relax."

"The food is going to be delicious."

"Everyone else is already seated."

"So take your time."

Chuck said.

As he walked back into the dining room.

Waiting until he went through the door.

Serena started to walk putting the gifts down on the table.

And started to walk into the dining room.

Nate took her hand as she turned and faced him.

"I don't to take any attention away from them."

"You can walk in after me if you want."

Serena said. Letting go of his hand.

While Nate watched her walk through the door.

Seeing her smile as she heard her name.

The door slamming shut behind her.

"Why do I feel like there is more there than she's letting on."

Nate thought to himself as he walked in after her.

The Dinner

Conversations going on in both directions of the table.

Happiness and laughter. Are heard and seen.

Food is eaten and drinks are drunken.

As Nate looked over at Serena realizing she wouldn't meet his gaze.

Her eyes focused on the other guests.

Smiling as Blair talked about her cravings and possible baby name ideas.

Hours passed and the conversations and stories.

Moved outside.

Where everyone enjoyed dessert and the night sky.

Taking him out of his thoughts was feeling a tap on his shoulder.

"Nate can I talk to you.?" Surprised to see who was behind him.

"It was Eric Serena's younger brother."

"Sure let's go." Nate said as they walked back amongst the trees.

Away from the other people.

Sitting down on opposite sides on the tree.

While they faced each other.

Looking around at the trees and small pond.

Pausing as he turned to Nate again.

"What would like you to talk about Eric.?"

"It's good seeing you by the way."

Nate said smiling at him.

"Thanks Nate."

"I know we haven't seen each other in some time."

"But I think of you as a friend." Eric said.

"Great cause I feel the same way about you." Nate said back.

"What I wanted to talk to you about."

"Was Serena." He said gently. Looking away for a moment.

Then turning back.

As he began to speak.

…


	27. Chapter 27

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 27**

 _When she was just a girl._

 _She expected the world._

 _But it flew away from her reach._

 _So, she ran away._

 _In her sleep._

 _Trigger Warning_

 _Talk of sensitive topic ahead._

"What about Serena." Nate said.

Looking up facing Eric.

"From the look of surprise and concern on your face."

"I can see that she hasn't told you."

Eric said to him.

"This is something I've thought about."

"And honestly hoped that she would have brought it up."

"To you but since she hasn't."

"And I'm guessing by now she's kept you in the dark."

" Planning for you to never know."

"And because I feel like you can be trusted."

"From first-hand experience and from her own words."

"Know that you love my sister."

"So I'm going to tell you." Eric sighed as started to speak.

"Serena was emotionally and mentally hurt."

"And it was before the drugs and drinking and all the other things."

"Which only fueled her more separating herself from her mind and her body."

"After a certain point she never came home."

"She had this whole other life."

"She became this whole other person."

"Our parents at first tried to what they could."

"Which wasn't much since they weren't close to her to begin with."

"It was me." He said as took a breath and wiped his eyes.

Continuing as he quickly stopped.

Once he heard Serena's voice in the distance.

"Hey what are the two of you doing out here.?" Serena asked.

Walking over as she faced them both.

"Nothing just talking." Eric said to her.

"Ready to go.?" Nate asked her.

"Yea I am." "This was so fun."

Serena said as she smiled.

Walking over to Eric. Taking him in her arms.

"In a tight hug."

"Goodbye baby brother."

"I love you."

She said softly.

"I love you too S."

Eric said back to her.

As they pulled apart.

Then she Nate's waiting open hand.

And held it.

While they walked to the car.

Getting inside.

Nate drove and Serena laid her head back.

Staring blankly out the window.

Once the car was in the driveway.

And the pair was safely inside.

Sitting on the couch.

Serena laying in Nate's arms.

Recounting her favorite moments of the dinner.

When she finished. She looked up at him.

And started to speak.

"What were you and my brother talking about.?"

"It seemed very serious I felt I had interrupted you."

Serena asked him.

"It was about you." Nate said honestly.

"Um why.?" Serena asked as she began to get up.

"He told me some things about you from before we met."

Nate said to her.

"Did he now."

Serena said. As she looked to him.

"Yes." "Something he thought you had told me."

"But I didn't know what he was talking about."

"So he took it upon himself."

"To fill me in." Nate said.

"He needed to stay the hell out of it."

Serena said turning away from him.

"We don't have bring it up."

"If you don't want to." Nate said to her.

"And to think I thought I could trust him."

"When he's no better than our parents."

Serena said shaking her head.

As she started to get up.

Tears welling up in her eyes.

As she turned around facing him again.

"You were right." She said wiping her eyes.

"I am fucked up." "Distant, and convinced that I'm unlovable."

"Why I was so okay with holding off."

"Us spending the night together."

"I can't hide from you."

"As much as you love me."

"You can't fix my heart, and soul."

"And the permeant ache that I walk around with every day."

"She said.

While tears fell again.

This time she just let them fall.

"And the reason for that is because."

"I was raped."

She said.

Attempting to reach her as she pulled away.

"That isn't all."

She said her voice breaking.

…


	28. Chapter 28

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 28**

 _I tried to sever ties_

 _And I ended up_

 _With wounds to bind_

 _It's like your pouring salt_

 _In my cuts._

 _You can't bandage the damage._

 _You never really_

 _can._

 _fix a heart._

Trigger Warning

Sensitive topic

Continued.

Taking a breath. Wiping her eyes. Quickly with the back of her hand.

"I never wanted you to know." Serena said. Looking to him.

"In the back of my mind I feel embarrassed and ashamed."

"When I talk about it which I haven't done."

"In a long time." She said her shaky.

"It brings me back to that night."

"And how I can't undo all my stupid mistakes."

"That lead to it happening."

"Even though I know it wasn't my fault."

"I just wanted him to see me."

"And love me."

"In the end he destroyed me."

"Lead me down this dark, endlessly tunnel."

"That I still at times feel trapped in."

"Nights of random men."

"Getting so out my mind with substance after substance."

"I couldn't even recognize my own face in the mirror."

Pausing as she closed her eyes.

Reopening them to see Nate no longer sitting there.

But now standing in front of her.

The sight of him still being there.

Gave her the push she needed to go on.

"I have scars."

"When I tried to fight back."

"He would slash me."

"Eventually I felt too weak."

"And just laid there."

"After he laughed and said the rumors were true."

"This was about the only thing I was good at."

"Even though he had to do all the work."

"He looked back at me. While he was leaving."

"And said "He hoped it was a night to remember."

"Taking off out the door."

"Then next thing I remember."

"I was in the hospital."

" Covered in these bandages. And I didn't want to close my eyes."

"Every time I tried. I saw his face and heard his voice."

"Smelled his colon and felt his hands on me."

"I felt sick. When I finally went home."

"I trashed my room."

"I broke my mirror."

"I wished he would have killed me."

"He wasn't able to do it to anyone else."

"I was not his first victim."

"Me and other girls gave statements."

"He was locked away for a couple of years."

"I worry sometimes."

"If I ever saw him again."

"I think I would just lose every ounce of progress I made."

"Because I want to take justice into my own hands."

"But I know he wouldn't be worth it."

"Now you know everything."

She said wiping her eyes again.

"What was his name.?" Nate asked.

"You don't want to know." Serena said.

"Do you still love me.?" She asked him.

Her voice shaky. Chest aching.

"Yes of course." Nate said

Wrapping her in his arms.

"I'm sorry." He said wanting to know who he was.

"I love you so much."

"Thank you for telling me."

Nate said emotion catching in his throat.

Serena taking his hand.

And walking into the bedroom.

As he closed the door behind them.

"Are you okay.?" He asked concerned.

"I am." "I want to show you."

"I want you to see every part of me."

She said carefully. Taking off her shirt.

Showing him her first scar.

…


	29. Chapter 29

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 29**

 _When you're world_

 _Comes crashing down._

 _That is where_

 _You'll find me._

Placing her shirt gently on the floor around them.

She looked up at him.

Then began to one by one.

Display her scars.

Pointing and telling the details of what she could remember.

Until she was finished.

Nate looked at her. In that moment.

Realizing he was holding back his own tears.

And feelings of anger and frustration that he hadn't been able.

To protect her and let that monster understand.

What pain and suffering felt like. His mind wouldn't rest.

He needed to know who this person was.

Even though he hadn't known Serena then.

He knew that it would not have mattered.

This man had targeted her. And would have done it regardless.

"Nate are you listening to me.?" Serena asked.

Putting her hand on his.

"Yea I am." "I was just taking you in."

Nate said looking into her eyes.

"You are so beautiful."

Nate said.

His hand gently running over one of her scars.

Serena's eyes filling with tears.

"No I'm not."

'I'm the aftermath of his fun."

She said looking away.

"Don't talk about yourself like that." Nate said to her.

As he continued to gently run his fingers. Over the scars.

Taking notice now of what he was doing.

She put her hand onto of his.

Looking into his eyes.

"Nate please don't."

"Stop."

"I don't want you to see me."

"I'm ruined."

She said wiping her eyes.

As she bent down.

Quickly picking up her shirt.

While she started to leave the room.

"Serena wait!" Nate said.

Taking her hand in his.

Before she reached for the door.

"Do you have any idea how much."

"I love you.?"

"Admire your strength, and courage, and willingness."

"To relive all of this just to share it with me."

"You are perfect."

"I love you exactly how you are."

"Standing in front of me."

"Just like this."

Nate said.

looking into her eyes.

Taking the shirt from her hands.

As he slowly.

Brought her closer to him.

Gently one by one kissing her scars.

Serena closing her eyes.

A tear running down her face.

"Open your eyes."

"Look at me."

"Let me show you exactly what you mean to me."

He said looking up at her.

Taking her hand. And sitting her down.

On the bed in the room.

Turning out the lights.

Lighting candles he had.

Lined up on his bedside table.

"Look in my eyes."

"And tell me what you see."

Nate said to her.

Facing him as she looked up.

Taking a breath as she started to speak.

"I see safety, warmth, love,"

She said as her voice broke.

"What I see when I look into your eyes."

"Is want, vulnerability, strength, beauty."

"Let me love you." Nate said.

Taking her hand.

Taking her in his arms as he kissed her.

…


	30. Chapter 30

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 30**

 _Makes me feel like I can't live_

 _Without you._

 _And it takes me all the way._

 _I want you to stay._

Her hands on his back.

Eyes closed.

As she let her heart just go.

Feeling his warmth. The delicateness of his touch.

Made her want to carve these moments in her memory.

Safely tucked away.

As she opened her eyes.

Running her hands slowly over his chest.

While she began to lift his shirt.

Noticing this he put his hands on hers.

Looking into her eyes.

"Are you sure.?" He asked her.

Caressing her face with his hand.

"I want us."

"There is nothing else I need."

"But you."

She said.

While she finished taking off his shirt.

Her hands running over him.

As she looked up at him.

Reconnecting their lips.

Laying her carefully on the bed.

In front of him.

Looking at her.

"I love you so much."

He said to her.

Beginning to kiss every bare part of her he could reach.

She looked down at him.

As he looked back at her.

Gently sliding off her jeans.

Him then standing up.

To take off his own.

While she put her hands-on top of his.

Undoing his belt. Laying it on the floor.

Unbuttoning his jeans.

Not breaking eye contact with him.

He then kissed her.

Laying them both

On the bed.

His hands carefully removing her final layer.

As she jumped lightly at his touch.

Causing him to pause looking at her.

She pulled him back over to her.

He then took off his final layer.

He leaned down. Kissing her again.

"I love you too." She whispered between kisses.

Their hearts, souls, and bodies.

Becoming one.

As healing through their love.

Lasted throughout the night.

Until the early morning hours.

…


	31. Chapter 31

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 31**

 _I'm holding a heart_

 _Here in my hands._

The morning sun streamed through the window.

Holding her close.

He decided waking up with her in his arms.

Was the closest he had come to true happiness.

Secretly promising her. The rest of his life.

Mornings warm and full of love. Just like this one.

Kissing her hand as he interlocked it with his own.

Wanting to make as little noise as possible.

He wanted to let her wake up in her own time.

Plus, he liked watching her sleep.

This look of peace was displayed throughout her face.

Later

She got up carefully. Touching each side of her.

Attempting to make sure she wasn't still dreaming.

Looking to the side of her.

Smiling softly at the sight of him.

"Good morning." He said leaning over kissing her.

As he smiled back.

"Last night was the greatest night of my life."

"I understand completely what it means now."

"To make love."

He said caressing her face in his hand.

They're eyes locked as he spoke again.

"What are you feeling and thinking.?"

Nate asked her.

She smiled at him.

The sheets covering her.

Looked away then turned back around.

Facing him. As she began to speak.

"I didn't think I would ever find a man."

"Who would find me beautiful with my scars."

"And be willing to love me."

"I love you so much."

"But I've also learned to truly love myself."

"In the process."

"Last night meant everything to me."

"It's different to remember the details."

"Every kiss, touch, whispered word."

She said.

While putting her hand on his face.

Looking into his eyes.

Leaning over kissing him.

Pulling apart.

He ran his hands over her.

She watched him.

In awe of the look in his eyes.

The careful movement of his fingers.

Him saying so much with these actions.

And still wanting to reassure her.

That in this room.

In the protective sanctuary of this bed.

Alone together. She was safe.

Her confides of the past.

Could drift out the window.

Falling away on the tales of wind and sky.

When his eyes landed on her again.

She could barely utter anything but his name.

Closing her eyes as he laid back down.

Kissing her at every curve and bare part of herself.

Mapping out his need for her.

And love that she just wanted to sink into.

Wanting it all to be enough.

Her hands finding their way to his.

Interlocking as breaths and whispers.

Filled their inner circle.

His head laying on her.

Her hands wrapped around him.

Tears filled her eyes.

There was more left to uncovered.

Afterwards. Their world what they thought of it.

And how it saw her would change.

She wasn't ready for it.

But knew there was nothing left to said.

Catching her breath. As her heartbeat slowed.

A whispered I love you. Came from her lips.

…


	32. Chapter 32

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 32**

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win."  
6 months later

Trigger warning ahead

Proceed with caution!

"You have fun." "Enjoy your guy time with Chuck."

"Blair and I are going to meet up." "After I'm done doing some shopping."

"I love you too." "Bye." Serena said.

As she smiled into the phone.

Putting it away. While she walked into the store.

Her and Nate have been happier than either of them could stand.

Going on double dates with Chuck and Blair.

And falling more in love. With every day.

Beginning to look around. Picking up and taking closer looks.

At all the items. For babies.

Filled her with a mixture of emotions.

Children were never in her mindset.

But after everything that happened to her.

It didn't become her choice anymore.

The doctors told her.

She had an almost none exist chance at getting pregnant.

And at the time.

It didn't matter to her.

Now though.

She wanted it more than anything.

Baby boy Bass would be here in a matter of months.

And Serena couldn't wait to spoil him and give him all the love she had to give.

Satisfied with what she bought.

She went on her way to the checkout line.

Footsteps followed behind her.

Not thinking anything of it as she continued.

As she heard a voice.

Trying not to lose her composure as she turned around.

"Serena look at you." "We haven't seen each other."

"In so long." "I want to change that."

"Don't look so afraid."

"We had a good night together."

He said touching her face with his hand.

Smiling as he looked at her.

Tears welling up in her eyes.

As she looked away.

Pausing as she threw his hand away from her face.

"If you touch me again."

"I will scream and let everyone know."

"Exactly who you are."

Serena said as she backed away.

"I did my time."

"I have a right to life a life."

"Are you really still playing this game Serena."

"Helpless and wholesome."

"Without any flaws."

"In case you forgot you kissed me."

"Brought me out there."

"Alcohol on your breath,"

"Needy and lonely."

"Wanting someone to see you."

"And I did."

"You had everyone believing your sob story."

"When the truth is."

"You brought it on yourself."

"For being such a whore."

"Who the hell do you think you're fooling."

"You're really claiming you didn't have fun."

"You loved it."

"Every minute."

He said laughing at her.

"Get out of here!" "Now!"

"You ruined my life."

"I was never the same after that night."

"I loved you."

"And trusted you."

"And you made me hate myself, Feel sick at the sight of my own body."

"And made me want to die." "No matter what I did."

"I was haunted by you."

"You are not going to have any more of my life." Serena said.

As she began to walk off again.

"You can't hide from me."

"We will meet again."

He said to her.

Smiling smugly.

"Don't ever let my name cross your lips again."

"Dan Humphry."

Serena said quickly going to the check out line and leaving the store.

…

 **Author's note : The identity of the mystery man has been revealed.**

 **Let me know your thoughts, Comments, ideas, predictions, In the reviews.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 33**

 _My yesterdays walk with me. They keep step, they are gray faces that peer over my shoulder."_

Taking a breath as she got back into her car.

Closing her eyes. Reopening them.

Relieved that her hands had stopped shaking.

He is not following you.

You are not going to see him again.

Serena said to herself.

As she carefully started her car.

Driving with the passenger side window cracked.

She didn't want to give any extra view inside her car.

Her sunglasses on her face.

Pulling up to the parking lot.

Serena walked out slowly.

Looking over her shoulder. Relaxing as she saw no one behind her.

Taking careful steps walking over to the picnic tables.

Finding a smile to put on her face.

At a wide smiling. Hand waving. Blair Bass.

Glowing in all her pregnancy beauty.

Sandals on her feet and barely any make up on her face.

Her hair in curls. And a flowing light blue dress.

With a picnic basket by her side.

At the sight of Serena Blair got up slowly. And opened her arms.

"B." "Look at you." "Absolutely gorgeous."

Serena said to her. Pulling her into a hug.

"S." "Your too kind." Blair said.

As they pulled apart.

And sat down.

"It's true Blair."

"I know Chuck is ecstatic to be having a son."

Serena said.

Smiling at the memory. From the last time, she talked to her friend.

"Extremely he is so much more involved with the nursey and just things random things I never really thought would be important to him."

"This little guy has his dad wrapped around his finger."

Blair said.

Smiling while she placed her hand on her belly.

Looking up as she started to talk.

"It looks like he wants to let us know he's here."

"Come feel it." "He's kicking really hard."

Blair said looking to Serena.

Nervous but curious.

Serena walked over.

Placing her hand where Blair's was.

Delighted to be brought into their secret world.

Emotion overtaking her. As she paused then spoke.

"What a miracle." "You are really lucky."

Serena said.

Taking her hand off.

Moving it the side.

"You and Nate could be next."

"Little Henry Nate Bass."

"Is going to need someone to play with."

Blair said smiling as she looked at Serena.

Hopeful to change to the subject.

Serena brought out her newest gift.

Placing it on the side of her.

"For later." She said motioning to the bag.

"Now the main event."

"Our picnic."

Blair said.

While she started to take out the food she brought.

Serena had been so excited for this girl time.

Now she didn't have the appetite to stomach any of this.

The last thing I want to do is disappoint Blair.

And ruin this happy mood.

Serena thought to herself. As her plate was placed in front of her.

Later On

As Blair was in between this topic and that. Pausing to eat.

And comment about how Excited and Hopeful Doretha was about the baby.

Serena was attempting to not start crying right there in her seat.

Deciding to leave their outing a little earlier than planned.

"It's okay Serena." "I hope you had fun."

Blair said quickly hugging her goodbye.

"I did." "This was just what I needed."

Serena said hugging her back.

As she walked in the direction of her car.

"We will meet again." His words echoing in her mind.

The drive home feeling long and without any end in sight.

Soon enough Serena was back at home.

Nate and her had decided to move in together.

A couple of months ago.

And had bought this nice 3 bedrooms 3 bath house.

She had a place that at last felt like a home.

Walking into their bedroom.

She looked at the pictures displayed on the mirror.

The sight of him smiling and unassuming.

In her picture memories.

Made her skin crawl.

Tears welling up in her eyes.

As this feeling of sinking started to overtake her.

Nate wasn't home yet. And wouldn't be for a while.

He's going to find me.

Serena said to herself.

In the empty room.

Wiping her eyes.

Taking a breath as she got up.

Walking out of the bedroom.

And into the bathroom.

Looking at herself in the mirror.

Opening the drawer to her side.

And pulled out the scissors.

Taking some hair in her hands.

Then began to cut her hair.

Handful after handful.

Falling into the sink in front of her.

Smiling as she looked at herself.

"What a mess." She said to herself.

Her once shaking hands.

Now steady.

"Serena!" Nate said.

Walking through the door.

Scanning the room as he looked for her.

What was he doing here now.? Serena thought.

As she began to panic.

Dropping the scissors in the sink.

On top of the clumps of hair.

Her heart racing.

Jumping as she heard his hand touch the bathroom door.

"Serena." "Are you there.?"

"I saw your car in the driveway and you're not in the bedroom."

"You never lock the door when your home alone.?" "What's going on.?" Nate asked from behind the door.

"I just want to be alone." "Okay." Serena said.

Calmly as possible.

"Serena I can wait."

"We've barely had any time to spend together all day."

"I miss you."

Nate said to her.

"There is nothing to miss."

"I'm right here."

"You'll see me later."

"I know your tired just go to bed."

"I love you." Serena said her voice almost broken with emotion.

"I love you to."

"I'll be in the bedroom."

"When you're done in there."

"Wake me up so we can talk."

Nate said

As he walked away from the door.

Opening the bedroom door. Slowly closing it behind him.

Taking a breath. Relieved to be alone again.

Putting down the scissors.

As she began to take off her clothes.

Smelling his scent and hearing his voice.

Seeing his face.

Something inside her was unraveling.

Minute by minute.

She was losing her grip.

…


	34. Chapter 34

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 34**

" _A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."_

Hours later

Serena walked into the dark room. Opening the door. As quietly as she could.

Not wanting to make her presence known. Closing the door.

While she took small steps over to the bed. Wanting to try and guarantee he was asleep.

Not hearing anything that made her think he was awake. Gave her the greenlight she needed. To head to her closet.

Taking out her flashlight from her drawer she opened the closet door.

Slowly stepping inside. Quickly shutting it behind her.

Using the flashlight as her guide. Carefully looking through her boxes that she had forgotten to open. When they moved.

As she at last found exactly what she was looking for.

Taking the box out carefully trying not to drop it.

Holding it in one hand. While the other closed the door.

Placing it on the ground. Taking a seat next to it.

As she opened the box slowly.

The flashlight making the contents inside visible to her.

Her hand taking out. Tied up with a string.

large amount of letters. Next to it pictures.

The letters addressed to her. So, neat and clean.

The sender's name written with no reason for alarm.

These were the last pieces of proof she had.

That the person she used to love was in there.

But on that faithful night years ago.

In his eyes, she saw a stranger.

Who made her the prey in his web.

Getting up. She went over to the bed.

And tapped his shoulder.

Waking up. Quickly.

He sat up.

Looking into her eyes.

"Ready to talk.?" Nate asked her.

"Yea but I have to tell you some things first."

"Could you come over here and sit with me.?"

She asked him.

"Of course.

He said.

Turning on the light as she looked up at him.

Taking her hand in his.

Sitting down together.

As Serena began to speak.

…


	35. Chapter 35

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 35**

" _Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you."_

Trigger warning

Proceed with caution

Serena took a breath. Looked at Nate. Then at the box in front of her.

As she started to speak.

Her voice quiet but strong. Looking him in the eyes.

Her words began to unfold.

"There are things that you don't know."

"About me and my past."

"That defined a lot for me."

"I just can't keep avoiding it anymore."

"Especially now."

Serena said to him.

"I want you to listen okay."

"I will answer any question you have afterward."

Serena said.

As he agreed. Continuing to look at her.

"This box has all the memories of our past together."

"Pictures and letters he wrote me."

"I had hidden it away and haven't looked through it."

"In so many years."

"The whole reason we got involved at all."

"Was because of his sister."

"Who are you talking about.?"

"Why are showing me a box of stuff from your ex – boyfriend.?"

Nate asked confused.

Tears welling up in her eyes.

As she spoke again.

"This was why I didn't want to tell you."

"Who he was."

"Because my rapist was someone we all knew and considered a friend."

"For me at times he was so much more than that."

"The person who raped me was Dan Humphry."

"And if that wasn't enough he confessed to me."

"That he killed Jenny."

"And that luckily for me he didn't need any more blood on his hands."

"So consider myself spared at least for now."

Serena said wiping her eyes.

"I saw him the other day."

"When I was shopping for a baby gift for Blair."

"He stopped me when I was on my way to the checkout line."

"He touched my face and said we had a good night together."

"Saying he did his time." "That I brought it on myself."

"I was needy and lonely and wanting someone to see me."

"And he did." "That I loved every minute of it."

"I was whore and needed to stop pretending."

"And that we would see each other again."

Serena said trying to catch her breath.

The tears falling from her.

"I'm sorry."

She said softly.

Wrapping his arms around her.

As he held her close to him.

"Trying his best to comfort her."

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"I love you so much."

"He will never touch you again."

As they pulled apart.

Nate looked up at her.

"Why is he not in jail if he had a part in Jenny's death.?"

Nate asked her.

"Because of his parents."

"They covered it up."

"I can't talk about this anymore."

Serena said.

Burying her face in his chest.

Tears falling onto his shirt.

As he scooped her up in his arms.

Laying her on the bed.

While he wrapped her in his arms.

Listening to her fall apart. Her body shaking as the tears fell.

"I bought you into this."

"That's what I'm sorry for."

Serena said.

Her voice breaking.

"You sleep just let me hold you."

"I love you."

"It will be okay I promise."

Nate said.

Later into the night.

Leaning over as he looked at her.

She had fallen sleep.

Relieved at the sight of that.

He got up carefully.

Pulling covers over her.

As he kissed her cheek.

Then headed for the door.

Walking out into the hallway.

Going into the living room.

As he dialed quietly.

The person picked up on the first ring.

"Chuck I know it's late and I will make it up to you."

"But I need to know the location of someone."

"And it can't wait."

Minutes later.

Nate was driving in his car.

Down darkened streets.

Chuck had texted him the address.

Deciding to park his car.

In the distance.

He got out and began to walk.

The single light outside the house and car in the driveway.

Was all he needed.

Knocking at the front door.

He realized the true meaning of hiding in plain sight.

In this moment.

The opening at the second knock.

Fast as if the visit was welcomed.

Face to face they stood.

The person on the other side of the door.

Began to speak.

"Nate come on in."

"I always have time for an old friend."

Dan said smiling.

Nate walking inside.

As he closed the door behind them.

"What brings you here.?"

"In this late hour.?"

Dan asks curious.

"Serena." Nate said calmly.

"Oh that woman there is a real piece of work huh."

"At least she's nice to look at and will say yes to anything."

"She's good for a few rides at least." Dan said laughing.

Nate feeling the temperature in his body rise.

And fists start to ball.

"Dan I know everything." Nate said.

Staring at him.

Wondering where he went wrong.

Staring back at him.

Dan started to speak.

"Good then I don't have waste any more time."

"Trying to defend myself."

"Serena is trash."

"Consider this."

"She knew exactly who I was."

"And had no problem."

"Opening her legs to me over and over again."

"She is really not worth much."

"Which I why I had no problem."

"Ripping those clothes off."

"Hearing her beg me over and over to stop."

"It only made me want everything to last that much longer."

"Afterwards though she was such a mess."

"I didn't care enough to even cover her up."

"I'm sure she found some way home."

"She's your problem now."

Dan said laughing as he threw his head back.

Any self-control he had left was gone.

Nate watched him as he laughed.

Enjoyment and satisfaction.

Pouring off him.

As he pushed him.

Sending him to the ground.

…


	36. Chapter 36

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 36**

 _'There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. You're always ripe and ready to be taken.'"_

Waking up in a daze. Wiping the sleep from her eyes.

Noticing it's still dark out and that she's covered and alone.

Serena starts to get up. Her legs hanging off the bed.

As she switched on the light. Walked out the bedroom.

And looked around calling out to Nate. Not getting any answer.

Then looked out the window. Seeing Nate's car not in the driveway.

Sent off alarms in her mind. After everything she had confessed to him.

Hours earlier. Serena knew Nate would use every resource he had.

To make sure that Dan would never get near her again.

Starting with the person who had connections.

That went below and above the law.

Chuck Bass.

Walking fast as she grabbed her phone from the side table.

And scrolled down her contacts. To Chuck's name. Clicking on in it.

Putting the phone to her ear. Waiting for a response as the phone rang and rang.

Hearing Chuck's voice at the other end of the line. Sent a sense of relief through her.

"Where is he Chuck.?" "I need to know now!" "I can feel it something is wrong."

Serena said to him. While gave the address, and told her to keep him updated.

After agreeing to his request.

She ran out the door. Jumping into her car.

Racing to the address. Parking in the closest space she could find.

Her steps fast and with a point. Up the steps opening the door.

Thankfully it wasn't closed tight enough to be locked.

As she walked inside the house.

Closing the door behind her.

"Nate!" She yelled looking in the living room.

Not seeing anyone. Next going into the kitchen. And that being empty to.

"Nate!" "Answer me."

"Let's just leave here and forget about him!"

Serena said.

While she walked up the stairs.

Opening one door after the other.

"Serena go!" She heard.

The sound of his voice turning her around.

And her attention to the last room in the hallway.

The door she hadn't gotten to yet.

Not thinking of anything else as she ran to the direction of his voice.

"Nate." "He's not worth it please.!"

Serena said.

Walking in on Nate holding a gun to Dan's head.

"Yes he is."

"After all the things he has done to you."

"And what he did to Jenny!"

"The fact that his family covered for him so he only got those few years."

"He doesn't deserve the air he breaths."

"I would be doing the world a service."

"And a guarantee that he would never come near you again."

Nate said with tears welling up in his eyes.

"Come home with me."

"Let him live his miserable life alone."

"Give me the gun!" Serena said.

Nate looking into her eyes.

As he began to hand the gun over to her.

Dan got out of Nate's grasp. Getting to his feet.

As he started to speak.

The surprise of hearing his voice and seeing him standing.

Sent the gun to the floor.

It firing a single shot.

Serena freezing her eyes wide.

Dan smiled as he spoke.

"Nice try Archibald."

"I knew you didn't have it in you to kill me."

"Too much of a good person."

"Which is not a problem for me."

"Because whatever good I had was lost a long time ago."

"If it ever existed."

Dan said as he laughed.

Putting his hand on Serena as she turned her head toward him.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away."

Dan said to her.

"Get the hell off her!"

Nate yelled at him.

"It's okay Nate."

"You don't have to protect me."

"I have this."

"You go outside and wait for me by the car."

Serena said giving him her keys.

"Yea you listen to her."

"This is for adults only." He said as he took her hand.

"Go I'll be fine." She whispered in Nate's ear.

As she watched him leave the room.

And go down the stairs out the door and into the car.

Looking into Dan's eyes.

Taking his hand.

While she spoke.

"Now it's just you and me."

Serena said.

Closing the door behind them.

…


	37. Chapter 37

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 37**

 _There's one way out_

 _One way In._

 _Trigger Warning_

 _Proceed with caution_

Standing face to face with Dan now.

In this enclosed area. Without any distractions from the outside world.

I was able to see him. And realize that none of what happened was my fault.

He made the decision to act and execute his plan. Taking complete advantage.

Of my trust and love. But also, giving me just what I needed which was.

A dose of reality. Who I thought I knew was lie. I'm no victim.

I'm a survivor. And I will be damned if I point that gun at him. And kill him.

Showing him that he had all the power over me again.

Because my life would be over too.

Instead I'm going to get answers.

"So Dan I'm sorry about all the distractions."

"Nate doesn't get it."

"I can handle myself."

"God I had him fooled."

"Thinking I actually loved him."

Serena said laughing.

"You know I'm thinking we get out here."

"Just us."

"Start over."

"Anywhere in the world."

"But first you have to tell me."

Serena said smiling at him.

"Tell you what.?"

Dan asked her.

"How you did it."

"Killed Jenny."

"I mean you can talk to me."'

Serena said.

Looking at him.

"It was easy."

"I messed with her drug stash."

"Put some things that shouldn't have been."

"And in the end, nothing got traced back to me."

"They all thought she just had a bad batch and o'ded."

Dan said.

Smiling at his retelling.

"But why."

Serena asked him. Curious.

"Well you've met her so."

He said to her in response.

"It seemed like you loved her."

"I did." "As much as that probably makes no sense now."

"It's probably the only truth that I've told tonight."

"Now Serena hand it over."

Dan said looking at her.

"What are you talking about.?"

Serena said looking up at him.

"Your cellphone."

"How dumb do you think I am.?"

He said.

Snatching it from her.

"Now I'll take this." He said picking up the gun.

Smiling at her.

"Get on that bed and take off your clothes."

"Don't make me ask you again." He said to her.

Staring into her eyes.

"Now!"

He yelled.

"I'll do whatever you want just please don't hurt Nate okay."

She said tears welling up in her eyes.

"Shut up!"

"Start tearing off your clothes."

"Or I won't be nice anymore."

He said to her.

As she began to take her clothes off.

He looked at her.

Studying her movements.

Smiling as she looked at him.

Walking closer to her now.

"He touched her face."

"With his hand.

Looked into her eyes.

"And said "Your mine."

Dan said.

As he started talking off his own clothes.

"You better not cry."

He said.

As he started to kiss her. Touching her body as if it was familiar to him.

A single tear ran down her face.

"I love you Nate."

Serena thought to herself.

As she was pushed onto the bed.

Outside

Fuck This! Nate said.

As he headed back inside the house.

Walking quietly up the stairs.

And began his way back to the room.

Where he remembered, Serena was.

Slamming Open the door.

"You just couldn't leave us alone."

"Could you Archibald.?"

Dan said.

"Now you get to watch me kill her."

He said smiling as he pointed the gun at her.

"No you won't I would kill you first."

Nate said as he began to charge him.

"Stop! It! "I Told you could do whatever you want but leave him alone.!" Serena said as she attempted to redress.

"I'm A lot of things and honest isn't one of them."

"I always liked you."

"But now you've caused to much trouble."

"Say hi to Jenny for me."

Dan said

Pointing the gun at her.

As multiple shots rang out.

"Serena!" Nate yelled.

Collapsing into his arms.

The blood pouring out her.

"I love you." She whispered. Touching his face.

"No!" "Keep talking to me."

"Don't close your eyes okay please."

Nate said as his voice broke.

Her eyes closing. The breaths she took lessened.

Until it all went black.

…


	38. Chapter 38

**Torn In Half**

 **Chapter 38**

 _There's nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the Ocean. It's deep and Dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love_ **.**

I will never get over seeing his face.

When he heard the recording.

Of him confessing to how he killed Jenny.

The officers looked at each other.

Then back at him.

As they got him out of his seat and put him under arrest.

She fought for a few hours.

Long enough for us all to say goodbye to her.

I wanted to say I love you too.

And have her hear me.

Smile back and kiss her.

But that wasn't possible.

The place of the bullets and the blood loss.

Taking it step by step.

Until I was in front of everyone.

I closed my eyes and took a breath.

And started to speak.

"I was such a jerk when we first met."

"I didn't care about anything or anyone."

"Especially myself."

"But as much as I tried to fight it."

"Once she became a part of my life."

"I was the same."

Nate said. Wiping his eyes as he went on.

Finishing his speech with showing a picture of them.

From all those years, ago.

Chuck went next. Then Blair.

Who had trouble getting through her words.

Trying the best she could.

But having to sit down.

The emotion becoming too much for her.

Eric spoke last.

"Serena was more than just my sister."

"She was my role model."

"A pillar of strength and support."

"That I knew I could always count on."

"My best friend."

"Now everything is just a lot less colorful and bright."

"But I know that she would want us to celebrate her life."

"And hopefully we're doing her justice now."

"I love you S."

He said looking up to the sky.

The sun opening up.

Shining brightly.

Upon all the guests.

The service ending.

And life finding what normal means now.

Months later

Chuck and Blair became the parents of a son

A boy named.

Henry Nate Bass.

Dan Humphry was given a guilty verdict.

And was sentenced to life in prison with no parole.

That is the only sense of closure to this.

As for me I am not going to say that it has been easy.

Because it's been the most difficult situation.

I've ever been through.

But I think she would be happy to know that.

She once again has given my life new meaning.

I run my own center for recovering addicts and their families.

Every day I go to work knowing my presence and life existence is helping someone.

And I'm also a father.

I adopted a beautiful baby girl.

I named her.

Grace Serena Archibald.

Nate held her close putting her back in her crib.

As he slowly walked out of her room.

"Daddy loves you so much." he said as he went to his bedroom.

Serena hugged Jenny tightly.

As she looked up her.

"We're finally free Serena."

"He is locked away forever."

"We can move on."

Jenny said.

Taking one more look back.

"I love you more Nate. Goodbye." Serena said.

Taking Jenny's hand in hers.

As they walked together into the light.

 **The End**

Thank you for all your support. And making this story way more than I ever thought it would be.

You the fans are part of the reason I write these stories.

Your connection to these characters. And the story surrounding them. Drives me to make things as honest and real as possible.

Until next time.


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